I so needed that hug  thank you got a new password now  present s going back 2morro! Job done  still can't get my head around that martyne never walking through the front door again 

 My wife died exactly a month ago yesterday so I've done over a month  with out her! I can't go on without her I just can't do this anymore The thought of doing it for 40 years is killing me 

hope you ok ? 

My wife died exactly a month ago yesterdaySo I've done over a month and the thought of doing 40 years plus with her is killing me  I don't think I can do this  hope your ok?

Bless you. It's so hard. It was a month yesterday since we were told he only had weeks. It's 3 weeks since we lost him today and it feels like so long already. Like you say, when you think of so many years ahead it's just so hard. I'm trying not to think too far ahead for now. It's so difficult though. Some days I just think what's the point in even getting up or showered or whatever. I do it but can't even see why I am bothering. Feels like my world is shattered and yet I'm still doing all of the routine stuff. Hope you and the boys are OK.

Hi all it's Mike again , thank you for your kind reply's, it means a lot . You are all at such early days. And it is not easy to get your head around it. Like I said before it has been just over 18 months since my wife died , the pain does get a little easier, but never goes completely. I still can't believe that she will never walk in the door or sit on the couch watching tv with me. I went to a medium a couple of times and the things she told me were unbelievable, so I sincerely believe we will meet up again ( that's the only thing keeping me going). By the sounds of things you all must be a good bit younger than me , I am 66. So hopefully it won't be that long till I join her. I miss her every second of every day. To me this isn't living it's just existing till we meet again. Hope you all have a good a day as you can. 
Mike. 

Thanks for the reply, Mike. That's exactly what I said to Phil before he passed away - that I'd only be existing, not living once he'd gone and that's exactly what it feels like. Like I go through the motions of daily life with the kids but almost on autopilot. 

I'm 40 and kids are 11 and 7, so like you say a bit younger. I keep thinking I hope my life isn't too long but know I want to live a long time for the girls if that makes sense.

Can I ask how you went about finding a good medium? It's something I'd like to do when things feel a bit less raw as really want that reassurance that he's definitely there and waiting for me. Keep asking him for signs but it doesn't happen much really. He promised he'd be on my shoulder but feel empty mostly. 

Thanks again for replying, Mike. It's good for us to hear what it's like further down the line. 

Hi mike  Chris, here I'm just about ok  or best I can be! you give me hope about the future  (well a little bit maybe)   I think  about my wife walking in the front door  or  taking a shower leaving clothes all over the floor  me picking when all up! All the time and if it's like that  one year pluss in the future ( what hope do I have)  I guess it's  my children  that will help?  I want to go to a medium but if I get nothing that will hurt so much !but I have to try right? Sent to the wrong person again hope you read this mike 

hope your ok jo I went to the beach again had a nice talk with the wife 

Ah that's lovely that you've been to the beach. I will do that again soon. Went to the park yesterday but prefer the beach. There's something about the sea. It settles me and so many of my favourite memories with Phil are of time there. 

I've got the same concern about a medium. That if they were rubbish I'd come away feeling worse. Just want to feel reassured that he's ok and waiting for me, then I think I'll manage to live out my life here, knowing we'll be together again if that makes sense? 

That makes total sense that's exactly how I feel if I knew somehow that she is safe and she is waiting for me and I would definitely go back to her that's ok asI'm bringing my boys up I'm coming back home to you! But I guess it's not knowing? I guess in time I have to try the medium because if I don't is even the thought that is in my head something that my wife is trying to say to me who knows? And I if I get nothing from a medium that only hurts me and I can think I tried martyne or do I try another medium and start all over again it's just a vicious circle? The beach seems to be My only escape it's so hard because we used to go there all the time and we love the beach like you said the water calms me down! But at the same time I'm watching all the other families together mummy daddy kids and I want that more than anything I just can't get it again if my wife is with me I guess that's fine but what I really really really want is just everything back to the way it used to be! Asked getting up in the morning fighting who is going to get in the shower firstSometimes we both get in the shower properly just to annoy each other more than anything else and will be like what shall we do today is a sunny day let's go and get an ice cream on the beach and to be honest that was pretty much her life most Saturdays and Sundays maybe we get a takeaway put the kids to bed cuddle on the sofa cuddle in bed whatever I just want her back i'm hurting so much and I know you feel exactly the same there's nothing we can do about it i'm sorry!!