Yeah, I won't be moving any of his stuff for a long time. A friend today has offered to make memory bears for the girls out of his t shirts or shirts, so that's a nice idea. Other than that though, his stuff is staying put! 

I find it hard with his parents as we've never been close to them but I know they're grieving and I know Phil would want me to make an effort with them so I'm trying hard! They just seem to have a knack of saying exactly the wrong thing at any given time. 

Phil's work sent us a load of photos today and printed memories from all his colleagues and friends in a leather wallet for me and the girls. Was so lovely but made me cry buckets. 

Definitely helps loads talking to you and knowing you understand. 

Good glad your keeping all his stuff The hospice gave my kids memory bears and we sprayed her perfume on them!!  Now I small her everywhere hard but nice.  My wife work did the same sort of thing like you say lovely  but lots of crying involved! My Relationship with her mum is much the same in many ways. I probably shouldn't tell you this but this morning after my dream I was looking  through her underwear drawer for about 20 seconds I was imagining her dancing on the bed  like she used to for me just had to close the drawer and cry again I don't understand why do things like this all my doing is beating myself up 

I keep watching video montages of photos and I know I'll end up bawling my eyes out but I do it anyway. Keep asking myself why I'm lying myself through it but can't help it. Mad, isn't it?

My eldest wants to start making a scrap book. That will be quite nice to do together. More tears no doubt though. 

I did that with the photo s but had to stop for a few days  not done it since  I want to but I go back  to a low place  trust me her underwear drawer didn't help me either! Scrap book lovely idea we are doing a memory box   We just write memories obviously and sometimes add a photo, god I miss her so much  I can't do this for the rest of my life?

 I miss her hugs and miss the energy she had  I hate having  to cuddle my pillow at night because my wife is not there  I'm so used to her being there?

Phil used to always warm the bed up with a hairdryer before we got in and then we'd cuddle up. Hate being in bed alone and sit there talking to my cushion with his photo on it. Just feel so lonely and think the same - like how can I do this forever? Miss having him to talk rubbish to - you know, just the random everyday stuff that you wouldn't talk to anyone else about? Miss everything so much. 

That is exactly 100% how I feel thank you for saying that out loud!  Means a lot  but here the thing  I don't want anyone in my bed  may sound crazy but  I just want  a hug  love a cuddle  and a chat about random  stuff  as well  so am I contradicting myself hope that makes sense

Totally get you. I just want him. Like I hug the kids and that but don't really want a hug off anyone else. Just want him. The kids keep asking to sleep in my bed but have only done that one night so far. It's like I hate being alone but having them there doesn't really help either.  

 I'm glad you understand what I'm trying to say   It's hard  to say stuff with out it sounding weird ! My oldest sleep s in my bed at the mo I like it  apart from the constant kicks!  It's just like you said you want phil  but you don't want any one else  but you don't like sleeping alone that is so me !!! The thought of being kissed or sex is a no way for me even the hottest supermodel couldn't compete with the love I have for my wife 

Completely agree. Can't imagine ever having an interest in that again, to be honest. Just want him back with me. Just got to keep hoping we'll be back with them one day, I guess. So hard though, isn't it? Feels like it gets harder each day sometimes. I get the constant kicks. Had them both in with me the other day and we've got a super king-size bed but littlest one still had me shoved to the edge of the bed!