Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

 Martyne not being here is horrible and probably always will be I cry cry  About being robbed out on a future that none of us deserve to lose. I can't tell you to much about tomorrow just go with you have nowhere else to go  it will be horrible but slightly nice at the same time  do you want to know completely how I felt for the whole day? 

I'm hoping it'll be as nice a send off as we can give him. I don't think it'll seem real. Kind of hoping it doesn't, if you know what I mean? 

I keep thinking that too. That we've been robbed ofthe future we should have had and that I'll always feel like this. It's just awful, isn't it? 

Your be fine tomorrow don't rush things like I say time stops   In there   It will be ok  just hold your kids tight if there going ?  He is  the children. Someone said to me you got two boys that great  half of martyne in Connor another half in Jack and two half s make a whole are never forget tha! It's not the same but it's all we can have. My future worry s me my kids futures worry me to but one day at a time remember 

Aw that's a lovely way to think of it - one half in each of them! The girls are coming tomorrow so will focus on them. They will get me through it. Just wish they didn't have to get through it. Like you say though, one day at a time. 

Grieving for yourself it's hard for the children is even harder  as you feel so sorry for them  I've still got mum and dad need them every day how will my boys cope without a mum goes over and over in my head! Is phil having a burial cremation? 

Cremation, then bringing his ashes home. Not even sure if that's right but that's what I told him I'd do and that he'd be here with us until my time comes, then the girls can bury or scatter our ashes together. 

Hannah asked me what would happen at her wedding the other day. Made me cry thinking of my dad giving me away and making a speech. 

I rely loads on my parents - we live right next to them - so makes me sad that they won't have their dad in the future. My dad is 75 and still comes and does our DIY and stuff. 

Having kids gives us something to get us out of bed each day and to go on for but it does give us a whole lot of other things to worry about to. 

Martyne  had the cremation to it was her choice then A gravestone in the local cemetery bury her ashes  And I will go there when it's my time as well basically got a pay for two plots but at least that's my death sorted out  only just done the cremation nothing else yet. Hannah on her wedding day will be so sad but in time  you both will no what to do I guess ( I don't know the answer)  that's the problem we need a mum and dad so do our kids let's be honest   Shame they hat to go. 
I truly believe if we never had children I'd of followed my wife into heaven 100%  so has my boys saved me  of am I in living hell?? Just waiting about40 years I don't know ??  Don't get me wrong glad and love my boys  but what if ?

I just thought exactly the same and felt awful for thinking that but I think it's understandable we feel like that isn't it? You're right, they need their mums and dads. So sad they have to go through this.

Thinking of you on this hard day 

Are you ok I'm thinking of you 

Are you ok I'm thinking of you