Glad it's not creepy it 100% not ment to be I wish I could go to a park or seaside  and everyone there felt like us  lost a husband or wife not so much mum or dad that's different. The kids would talk and play  and mummies or daddy could talk  freely about  everything or if someone didn't wanna talk to people I totally get that .I just don't like being alone  I talk to my 9 year old but he is so young   He don't really want me saying cra- 

If I was a mummy I'd think I'd understand what you say abou kids getting us through this  I don't no what I'm doing 

I don't really know if it's right, I just hope they will. My friend lost her dad when she was 11 like my Emma and her mam messaged me saying her girls got her through it and mine will get me through. I'm just hoping she's right. Still feel lost though. We were a proper team and just did everything between us so totally lost without him here. It's daft little things at times, like yesterday I made pancakes for the kids and while I used to cook them, he used to put the toppings on for the kids. I was really confused as to why the pancakes were piling up and why I had loads left over (he used to scoff a few while decorating them, of course). That totally set me off and such a little thing. 

Yeah it would be good to meet other people. Think in normal times there would be groups we could join and see people in real life but bloody covid ruins all that. 

A friend mentioned a group called WAY (widowed and young) which I think I'll look at eventually. 

Someone one here said about way  2  i'm going to have to go to a few of them I'm sure my oldest is writing about what he is struggling with About loosing mummy  so are be crying again soon

Bless him. That might be good for him though, writing it down. My two are drawing pictures because I'm going to the Chapel of Rest tomorrow to say one last goodbye so they want me to take them to send with their dad. So hard isn't it? 

Got my friend ringing soon so I can practise reading the eulogy with her on the phone. Feel like I need to read it through lots of times to try and get through it on the day. 

Good luck your be fine girl power and all that

I'm off to bed hope you're phone call went well  I need this day to end 

I'm going to see if I can sleep   Hope The phone call went well 

It was nice to talk to my friend and she said the eulogy sounds good so I'm glad that's sorted. 

Getting sorted for bed too. Going to try and start getting to sleep a bit earlier that we have been. 

Hope you get a good rest and that tomorrow is a better day. Take care. 

Sorry I've not replied. Been a really rough day. Went to see Phil one more time at the Chapel of Rest and really wished I hadn't. He didn't look like he did and have spent the rest of the day trying to get the image out of my head. 

I'm a teacher but I find home schooling a nightmare at times. My eldest is in y7 and she just gets on with hers but the 7 year old finds any excuse to get out of it and I've just not got the energy to push her to do it right now. Schools are being great though so that's good. 

How has your day been?