Mum passed , can no longer cry

Hi there I'm 16 and my mum passed away in June of last year after a  battle with a brain tumour , I cried a lot for a while but now I can no longer empty my emotion and cry and instead replaced with this numb feeling.My friends and family look at me and think I'm fine because I don't cry and it's hard to tell them it still hurts me every day I'm just so numb that I carry on. I sometimes feel guilty for not being able to cry. Just here to vent my feelings 

thank you 

  • Hi there ... and welcome to our little chat room....

    I'm so so sorry you lost your mum so young ... I lost my parents in my 30s and that was hard enough .. so my heart goes out to you ...

    You know in my life, I've learned it's not those that cry the loudest that grieve the most ... I always look for the one holding things in .. I did the same, and had someone say to me, they hoped she'd take it as good when she lost her mum ... I could have knocked her out ... she had no idea how much I missed my amazing mum .. 

    So don't feel bad ... it's a common thing to feel numb ... it's your head trying to protect you .... there's no right or wrong way... just go with whatever you feel ... it's o.k to cry ... it's o.k to smile ... the missing never goes but you do learn to live without them in time ... my mum went 31 years ago ... I still miss her as much today ... but I carry her in my heart... you can tuck your mum up in your heart and take her on your journey through life now ... don't listen to others ... you know how much you care ..

    Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Thank you very much Chrissie that really helps x

  • Like you, my mum passed away on the 8th January 2021. I am a little older just about to have my 28th birthday. 

    My mum had battled CLL leukaemia for 6 years and during lockdowns they found bowel cancer she had multiple operations, transfusion, scans before she contracted covid pneumonia and passed away in hospital. 

    In 2012 I lost my gran to dementia, I cried so much that I just needed to get away from the university halls and called my dad at 2am to come pick me up. Every mile further away made me feel better like I was going somewhere. The rest of the family when I finally arrived to the family home could not understand why my heart was braking so badly and a few days at home then allowed me to face halls and my tutors again. However, it was tough and my teachers didn't force me but regular therapy sessions helped to just get day to day life thing done. I found out the more people knew I was struggling the more help I got. Butterflies helped as they symbolise finally being free and making a little shrine just helped (photo in a frame with a butterfly necklace around the base). 

    Then in 2013 a year and 1 day later I felt the pain your going through and the same numbness when my grandfather passed away from cancer. I thought I would never be able to pull myself together, that the numbness would last forever and it took 2 months just to be able to get out of bed. To feel anything again took even longer but some little mirical bit by bit I started to find joy again. 2013 was bad. However, again the more people who knew what was going on even if the words felt surreal and just words 4 months on it was helping put one foot in front of the other to get back to real. I took some white roses and stripped all the pettals off, took them to the river and just let them fly with one final rose left on the bridge way. It brought peace for me and a Robin came and said hello on my way back which made me smile. Every time I see a Robin now it feel like grandad checking in with me. 

    This time round with mum the grief has hit in waves. Again, I'll brake down for no reason or feel heavy like someone added 100kg weight to my legs and arms which wipes me out when going to stand, walk or move. She's tucked away in my heart forever. Once again talking and letting the emotions flow it makes it ache a little less. I have a humming bird lit in a lantern which reminds me of my mum at a happier time before all the cancer which brings a little comfort. This grief is still new and is going to keep hurting for a while but I know it's OK not to be OK as long as I keep talking and letting the emotions out when the arrive. 

    The morral of my story is no matter how many times you go through this you will find a way to smile again. The grief will fade and the happy memories will stay. You will get reminders over and over again as long as you talk, no matter how hard it is to do this, it will help. Find a way an object / a animal / a secret place which just fills you with peace and just stare, stay, listen, watch and given time you will find a away. Stay safe and know your not alone 

  • Firstly my condolences it must be so difficult loosing what you have and Thank for you helping it's good to know I'm not the only one that feels the way I do and I admire the strength you have to always eventually end up smiling again even whilst carrying the grief of the ones you've lost. I send you many blessings for the rest of this year x