Dad passed away this morning

Over the past nine months I've been a silent visitor of this site, reading all the posts and supporting comments to help me get by. But today it's different, today isn't when it happens. It has happened. 

My spritely, healthy loving best friend and dad has passed away after battling Pancreatic Cancer since April. He's been so strong even when the failed chemo tried to kill him, out of 3 courses 2 sent him to the hospital as the white bloods cells were too low and infection set in. 

Im stuck, loss and numb. I'm 30 but never moved out. I'm back at our happy family home with my mum. I need to be strong for her but I'm struggling to cope with my own emotions. Every time I sleep I wake up sick and the tsunami hits me. 

I know he will not be gone as I am his double and will live on in all the best parts he's given to me and my brother. But it's raw. 

I have friends but no significant other and lockdown means me looking after the both of us but I just want looking after.

It was tough the last few weeks and his body fought and was stronger than we all thought. We're not a religious family and I don't know what I believe, so little comfort there.

I just can't believe he's not going to be there to watch films, go away with, laugh with. 

Lockdown is a blessing and a curse. I worked from home and we got to spend almost every day together throughout. 

I keep waiting for the stress and weight to come off my shoulders from worrying about this, jumping at every bang and phone call for 9 months, caring for him but it's just been replaced.

I love him so much. 

  • Hello Loobieloo90,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. On behalf of all the team here at Cancer Chat, please accept our condolences.

    There is no wrong or right way to grieve the loss of a loved one so please go easy on yourself. I'm sure some of our members will be along shortly with words of support, but until then I thought I might leave you with some information here about coping with grief and hopefully, it will help you to come to terms with your loss.

    Thinking of you at this difficult time,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • I am sorry for your loss. 
     

    my fiancé passed away a week before Christmas due to pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver he was 37 years old. He was never able to have any treatment but I think this would have been to much for him as he was so weak. 
     

    Life feels so weird without him, I'm trying to be brave just like he would want me to and making sure I eat as he was always worried when he was in hospital that I was not eating. 
     

    pancreatic cancer is so tough as you don't know it's there until the person is really unwell and limited options of treatments also. I created a tribute page to Lewis on the pancreatic cancer uk site, if you have not been there I would say to the specialist nurses are amazing. 

  • Good evening. 
    I am really sorry to hear of your loss . 
    Everything must seem  like a surreal dream or nightmare and you will be going through the motions of life . 
    It is made much worse for you being in Lockdown . 
    I don't have magic words of wisdom to help you but from my own experience you will find a way to help yourself and your family through it. 
    My partner fought pancreatic cancer during Lockdown 1 from April until he died in August . You're right the cancer is silent and cruel , the cancer iwas discovered too late to operate  the chemo caused an infection which resulted in scary times in hospital and at home .
    My teenage daughter and I are gradually  putting ourselves back together , the routine of work and college helps .

    Talking , laughing ,crying and remembering is a tonic . His memory is a blessing when life seems dark and  bleak . 

    Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you and your Mum.

    Is there another family member or friend who could  be with her her just to give you some time  to sleep or walk . 

    I tried to accept  help  when it  was offered  with shopping  cooking  etc . Is there anyone you can talk to support you ?

    There  may be counselling available linked to  the hospital or hospice which looked after your Dad . 

    best wishes 

    ksg 

     

  • I lost my partner 2 days ago and we have a 6 year old daughter together, he battled this awful disease for 2 years and even though we knew the outcome when it happened it didn't seem real it still doesn't now I'm really struggling with it and I know it's only been 2 days but I can't see how I'm gonna get on without him it gives me comfort he's at peace cause he fought to the end but it just doesn't make this any easier

  • I'm so sorry for your loss my father passed away this morning from terminal lung cancer then contracted Covid.

    im gutted he was the only one (male)that really got me.

    I do believe the soul will live on so to me this is a temporary good bye. I have to belive he's going to be around me and do believe he will be. I was the closest to him and missed him Passing this am which also riddles me with guilt and regret. 
    keep strong love and connection never dies or leaves. A programme called surviving death on Netflix really helped me a few days ago before he died to believe we carry on when we pass and will reunite one day  x