Dad passed away this morning

Over the past nine months I've been a silent visitor of this site, reading all the posts and supporting comments to help me get by. But today it's different, today isn't when it happens. It has happened. 

My spritely, healthy loving best friend and dad has passed away after battling Pancreatic Cancer since April. He's been so strong even when the failed chemo tried to kill him, out of 3 courses 2 sent him to the hospital as the white bloods cells were too low and infection set in. 

Im stuck, loss and numb. I'm 30 but never moved out. I'm back at our happy family home with my mum. I need to be strong for her but I'm struggling to cope with my own emotions. Every time I sleep I wake up sick and the tsunami hits me. 

I know he will not be gone as I am his double and will live on in all the best parts he's given to me and my brother. But it's raw. 

I have friends but no significant other and lockdown means me looking after the both of us but I just want looking after.

It was tough the last few weeks and his body fought and was stronger than we all thought. We're not a religious family and I don't know what I believe, so little comfort there.

I just can't believe he's not going to be there to watch films, go away with, laugh with. 

Lockdown is a blessing and a curse. I worked from home and we got to spend almost every day together throughout. 

I keep waiting for the stress and weight to come off my shoulders from worrying about this, jumping at every bang and phone call for 9 months, caring for him but it's just been replaced.

I love him so much. 

Parents
  • Good evening. 
    I am really sorry to hear of your loss . 
    Everything must seem  like a surreal dream or nightmare and you will be going through the motions of life . 
    It is made much worse for you being in Lockdown . 
    I don't have magic words of wisdom to help you but from my own experience you will find a way to help yourself and your family through it. 
    My partner fought pancreatic cancer during Lockdown 1 from April until he died in August . You're right the cancer is silent and cruel , the cancer iwas discovered too late to operate  the chemo caused an infection which resulted in scary times in hospital and at home .
    My teenage daughter and I are gradually  putting ourselves back together , the routine of work and college helps .

    Talking , laughing ,crying and remembering is a tonic . His memory is a blessing when life seems dark and  bleak . 

    Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you and your Mum.

    Is there another family member or friend who could  be with her her just to give you some time  to sleep or walk . 

    I tried to accept  help  when it  was offered  with shopping  cooking  etc . Is there anyone you can talk to support you ?

    There  may be counselling available linked to  the hospital or hospice which looked after your Dad . 

    best wishes 

    ksg 

     

Reply
  • Good evening. 
    I am really sorry to hear of your loss . 
    Everything must seem  like a surreal dream or nightmare and you will be going through the motions of life . 
    It is made much worse for you being in Lockdown . 
    I don't have magic words of wisdom to help you but from my own experience you will find a way to help yourself and your family through it. 
    My partner fought pancreatic cancer during Lockdown 1 from April until he died in August . You're right the cancer is silent and cruel , the cancer iwas discovered too late to operate  the chemo caused an infection which resulted in scary times in hospital and at home .
    My teenage daughter and I are gradually  putting ourselves back together , the routine of work and college helps .

    Talking , laughing ,crying and remembering is a tonic . His memory is a blessing when life seems dark and  bleak . 

    Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you and your Mum.

    Is there another family member or friend who could  be with her her just to give you some time  to sleep or walk . 

    I tried to accept  help  when it  was offered  with shopping  cooking  etc . Is there anyone you can talk to support you ?

    There  may be counselling available linked to  the hospital or hospice which looked after your Dad . 

    best wishes 

    ksg 

     

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