I lost my wife to cancer recently and I have never felt so alone. I am experiencing all kinds of extreme emotions from grief to guilt. I really want to connect and talk to others who have been through this terrible period.
I guess you just take what is real for you from the discussion and shelve the rest. Your reality is the most important thing.
I had a terrible morning - it was like I woke up in the middle of a roaring stampede of memories - bang bang bang i hit the concrete.
Much better now - managing to distract myself by planning this India trip. I definitely have to get away somewhere far away.
Talking with my Dad about completely dissociated things also distracts my mind. Key for me right now is keeping my mind occupied with something non related to Rossella and being with someone constantly.
It was a phone call after the call felt good for half an hour' then what do you know you never met my wife you don't no the way I feel about her I can't life without her my kids need there mum so didn't help maybe in about a years time Like you say it's a distraction it's all about life must go on I'm like why should it if the woman I love has gone? Sorry your Morning was crap I'm probably feeling like that now memories memories memories but I have nowhere left to run. I'm glad you're focusing on your India trip I never had kids I would've come with you!! At the moment I keep listening to Snow Patrol s run song just wish she could light up for me x
You are so brave to listen to the music - I can't do that at the moment. It would just take me to a terrible emotional place - an overwhelming place. My Rossella has gone - now I'm feeling that there is so much I didn't say to her. It just happened faster than I anticipated. So much unsaid and cannot do it now.
I thought I said everything we needed to on the day martyne died ( hard for me to say that the Day martyne died I never get used to hearing or saying that) but so much was still needed to talk about so I guess you can never have enough time even just to talk x
Yes I said alot on the day too - I just hope she understood it all.
Just that so much more is coming into my head to say now.
But thanks for reminding me that I did say alot on the day xx
If you are able to get away for a couple of weeks you are very welcome to join me in India but I do envy you of having the 'honour and privelage' of taking care of your children which you made together.
I'm sure your wife understood everything you were saying yes in a way I'm lucky to have them they do keep you busy and most of all it's what martyne wants me to do so I can't see my wife again Not for about 40 years and that's very hard to deal with to India to sound cool especially to learn more about the spiritual stuff
Totally.. pictures and videos are making me cry and smile x I've had quite a few people ask for items of his clothing which is freaking me out, and I understand not only me needs to greive but so hard... the funny thing is there all after the same shirt which seems to pop up in pictures where we travelled dating back nearly 15years to last year, and we travelled a lot xx ( I'm keeping the shirt)
I have a woollen hat which Rossella loved and I'm definitely keeping it. In fact I keep it on the cushion next to me in our bed. Sometimes I grab it and kiss it in utter desperation.
All these things in a strange way kind of make it like she is still here.
A friend of mine also lost his wife several years ago to cancer and he said finally he had to throw all her stuff away because it was the only way he could move on (she was everywhere in his mind). For me I could never do that - would feel like I was betraying her but I understood why he did it (he was haunted 24 hours a day).
