Hope your ok mate I've been ok today but suddenly sunk back down I love her so much why her 

Hey mate! Yes I had one of my worst days today - almost overwhelming.

I had a beer and started to feel better.

My Mum found a green feather that mysteriously appeared and i took as a sign that my angel wife is here with us.

It brought me some comfort - like she's saying it's all ok.

Hope you are doing a bit better.

I was the same yesterday  if I'm honest  feel so numb and lost   Still question why all the time we were/our good people  how can I get through this knowing nothing wil EVER be the same I want to feel like my wife is in a better place  no more pain in heaven etc! But deep down I'm sure she would of wanted to live she loved her life ...... then I think about the cancer she wouldn't of been happy bedridden at all which brings me back to Wild if you get cancer in the first place  I can't do this  but have to somehow 

I was the same yesterday  if I'm honest  feel so numb and lost   Still question why all the time we were/our good people  how can I get through this knowing nothing wil EVER be the same I want to feel like my wife is in a better place  no more pain in heaven etc! But deep down I'm sure she would of wanted to live she loved her life ...... then I think about the cancer she wouldn't of been happy bedridden at all which brings me back to Wild if you get cancer in the first place  I can't do this  but have to somehow 

We are going to get through this mate - get through it for our soulmates.

We both know what we are both going through and it is going to take time even though the spark of life has been extinguished in us.

Just got to put days behind us and hope for better days.

They are both watching us.

They need us to keep going.

Your right but it's so hard  just went to Sainsbury's for food  and general stuff  for the boys that was so horrible looking at  young children shampoo and crying because not sure what she would bye it was like that intill I got outside 

It's going to be like this - so many things are going to remind you of her and you are going to cry. It's good to cry anywhere.

This morning I was thinking of Rossella and the time she kept dropping food because she started losing coordination.  I remember i got a bit upset because had to keep changing the bed sheets. When I think of this now i feel like i don't deserve to live - she was helpless.

I just have to stop beating myself up.

That's very true you / we have to stop beating ourselves up one of my problem s is I can't except she wants to be in heaven or is happy she loved life  so much 

Yes I get that totally as well - I want Rossella to stay with me and not go anywhere.

I want her to wait for me.

To stick around until I can join her.

That is my main comfort right now.

I will be with her again. 

That's  a lovely way of looking at things  I want to think like that  but your talking 40 years time I don't want to wate that long x

You have to do it for your children - that would be her wish I am sure.

You wouldn't want your children to go through these same emotions.

 Your right mate that one of the last things we spoke about  we love each other so much  please  look after our children   I love them and I love you  tell the kids I'm sorry I couldn't beat cancer  that just makes me cry some more 

How are things today mate?

I've had a hard day trying to home school but don't no any of my wife password s for the computer  but we did get it sorted  I don't think I can do this  every body  just want to be with my wife! Yes I love my boys big time i really do  just don't want this life anymore  I want what I had x