Hi there. 

Deepest condolences to you and your family. I'm not going through the exact same thing, but very recently my dads ct scan showed pancreatic cancer. Stage 4. Which has spread to his abdomen, liver and lungs. The Dr called my mum because he's also recently been diagnosed with dementia. It was down to me and my mum to break the news to him. 

He's recently admitted had he been told, he probably wouldn't have told us it was terminal. However he's glad he told us so we can prepare ourselves.

I did what he expected. Read up on everything I could, talked to health care team etc. Because I don't cope with surprises at all. I need to be informed with all options, the pros and cons. Which believe it or not has helped my dad in terms of accepting what's happening. He also said because of my past career in funeral services I would be the one who is most level headed in dealing with the end and the practicalities.

Maybe your dad didn't tell you because he didn't want to cause you pain. Cancer sucks. And it robs us of people, but it can never ever take away your precious memories you and your dad shared. 

Please don't hold this against your dad. He had looked after you his whole life, and was still doing that to the end. He had his reasons for keeping it to himself, which nobody will ever know except him.

Maybe he didn't want to believe it was terminal. He might have been in denial thinking that he could beat it. So was hoping to be able to say he was better.

Please talk to one of us, or a close friend or doctor if you feel this is bearing down on you too much, and remember your dad done it all out of love for you.

Hugs x 

Thankyou for your kind words and I'm so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. It really does help to talk. It's only been a few days since it happened so my emotions are all over the place. My dad was such a proud man and I completely understand he was trying to protect me, my mother and my brother.

He was diagnosed with stage 4 oesophagus cancer November last year and he went through treatment and then he seemed to be on the mend. We waited for his scan results and he then said they were all clear, it seemed like a miracle and I was so happy after a difficult few months, especially during the current circumstances at the moment. About a month later he was struggling to eat at all and had a stent put in and he said it was because the radiotherapy had burnt his scar tissue so that made sense to me. I couldn't visit him for obvious reasons because I work in retail and didn't want to risk him getting covid  that was the hardest thing. My mother said he was poorly and couldn't get out of bed but again we thought it was the after effects of all the treatment. Things will get easier and I know that but the pain I feel now it unbearable.

I am also here for you to help with what you are going through, the most amazing thing is that he has the most loving family to get him through. Take care and thanks again  it means a lot x

I'm so sorry for your Loss I know whatever I say words are not enough I lost my wife to breast cancer 22 December  trust me I feel your pain here if you want to talk x

That is exactly how I feelTalking on here definitely helps me as for your pain I have that to I've been told it will get better  but I'm not so sure!   Your right  in everything you say  about feeling numb can't brush your teeth ect  I'm like that miss her in every way as I wife she was my best friend-sole mate- mother of my kids- my rock- my lover .about every 2 minutes are cry about with one I want silly I no but it's all I can do right now . Christmas Day yes that was crap we  still have presents for her  under the tree don't no what to do with them got her some sexy underwear she would love  shame I never got to see her in them.  You don't need to stay strong for you mum she will understand your feelings x