Coping maybe I have my ups and downs. 
 

he was in hospital for most of it only home for a short while before the cancer caused more complications, serious infection, serious PE then deranged bloods requiring a blood transfusion. I myself am a nurse so I understood how unwell he was and I think I have been coping in a way because of my understanding and also with how covid is at the moment I know he would of been terrified going into hospital for treatment so although it's hard for him to be gone I know he wouldn't of wanted to stay. In fact his last words were 'I've had enough' 

I've been keeping myself busy moving furniture around doing crafty things, I've been out for a muddy dog walk with my friend today. 
we had planned to go to the registry office to get married when they had opened up again after the lockdown but never got round to it, when he was in hospital the first time I bought a cheap wedding dress which he never got to see, I did buy myself a wedding ring though because when I go back to work I will not be allowed to wear my engagement ring so I wanted to still have something on. 
 

my local hospice have referred me to their bereavement support and my colleagues at work have been really supportive, it's busy at the moment with covid and the nurses are being sent everywhere but I'm not ready for that yet the GP signed me off till the end of January.

im sure your wife is so proud of you, bringing up children is a hard thing to do, and boys too, I hope there is support for you and your family going forward.

I'm glad your kind of  coping well it's a big step I'm not there yet maybe one day! Your story is hard to  read  without tears running  down my face  must of been so hard  being a nurse as well  but you did with good reason! My wife died in her sleep in a hospice lovely way to go x

I'm so sorry my words are  rubbish at a time like this  seems when you went  for your wee and something to eat he wanted to go  it was his time   And he still wanted to protect you in the only way he knew how.  I guess my wife was lucky with the hospice  as in hospital she was week and was told to go into a hospice to build her strength up for chemotherapy also the kids can come and see her with was amazing  for all of us   So it was meant to be a few days in the hospice then home  she camehome for about an hour but the ambulance crew and my wife decided she needed to go back with she did  .even that night she sent me a pic of her boobs and said you can have them soon  but the next morning it was all the syringe driver in her keeping her out of pain for a few days x

Good woman I like her spirit send you pictures! 
I helped Lewis change his t shirt when he was able to sit out in the chair and when I pulled it down the back her put his arms round me and gave me a cuddle. It was the sweetest thing. We were lucky as they allowed his family to visit too, I even got his best mate in as his 'brother' which was nice. 
 

on his last day he put his hand on the rail and clapped it like he did when he wanted me to hold his hand. It makes me wish I never left the room. 

Yes I love her spirit to   And the pics she always sent me   At leat I have them for you it must of been lovely to change his top  and get a cuddle you must of felt all warm in side  dont feel  bad you  can't change anything he  wanted you out of the room  his words remember x

I know still protecting me even when he was so unwell. 
 

I miss his bear hugs he was 6ft 2 and cuddly so they were the best, my mum got me a ornament or two bears hugging for Christmas called bear hugs I've put it in his bedside table. 

Bless him I guess your a smaller girl? Putting things on his bed side table is nice idea  wife side of the room is just how she left it  even her dirty knickers and socks on the floor  don't want to move anything how silly is that? It's New Year's Eve tonight and I'm going to hate it  not a good time for me 

Ha definitely not small I'm shorter than he was but I'm still round at the middle, we had a love of burgers and chocolate on our aniversarys we would go somewhere and stay for a couple of days and find good burger restaurants! I have loads of pictures of us with various burgers. 
 

tidying up is my way of coping I think, I've always liked things just so and Lewis was like leave it where it lands lol. 
 

im going round to my sister in laws tonight for Prosecco and nibbles, they only live around the corner. 
 

There is a support group called WAY widowed and young they have a group on Facebook too, it's nice to know your not alone especially when your young, I'm 34 people don't know what to say to you but speaking to people who are in the same situation gives me comfort.

Round in the middle lol me and the wife used to go out for lots of burgers we love them I think everybody does really  I would say we are healthy people she was a lot more in to fitness. I've had a Horrible morning the death certificate has just turned up at my door    Can't do this miss her so much