My dad is dying and I don’t know how to cope

We have recently found out our Dad has two types of lung cancer and it's possibly spread further. He has been told it's inopersble and the max time we are looking at is around 18months. He has been offered chemo however he is rapidly rapidly declining. It has only been two months and already he has lost so much weight and is clearly not ever going to be himself again. He is on such strong pain relief that he spends the day in and out of conciousness. My whole family is in bits and we are all coping badly but in different ways. I can not stop crying, right now I feel as though someone is stood on my chest and I could stop breathing. I really don't know what to do with this or what I should be doing for the best. Surely I can't keep going like this. I've tried to find some help online but it's all about grieving once you've lost a parent. I feel like I'm grieving already. He is only 53, never smoked, never drunk too much, kept fit. This is Pleural Mesothelioma which is aspestos related so we are told. I am terrified, about the fact my family will never be the same again, that mum is going to be alone, tbat we will never share any of the simple times together or even the wilder times as a family. I'm worried how my brother and sister, both in their 20's are going to cope. I'm even crying at the thought of never having a drink together again, or the fact we can't eat a meal anymore as he can't face food. He's literally dying in front of our eyes and I'm so lost as to how to cope with this. 

Parents
  • I feel exactly the same right now. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 years ago.but had six months of chemo and no cancer since but she has had pain since summer and finally got a scan a couple of weeks ago which shows it is back and has spread to her liver. She has been told 6 months with no chemo or maybe a year to 18 months with chemo..I have the same crushing feeling as you describe and an.empty nauseous feeling in my stomach. She is 80 and I cannot imagine ever being happy again. It does not help that she is so scared of death and is also crying a lot as is my dad who worships her. I don't have children and am not close to my dad or sister. I am married but feel so alone. I cannot imagine how I can sustain this level of misery and keep my job which I really need. I live an hour and a half from my mum and and worried about not having enough time with her due to work and distance. Sorry to hijack your post but I guess what I am saying is this is hell but obviously normal and hopefully we will find people who can make us believe that time will heal us eventually. 

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  • I feel exactly the same right now. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 years ago.but had six months of chemo and no cancer since but she has had pain since summer and finally got a scan a couple of weeks ago which shows it is back and has spread to her liver. She has been told 6 months with no chemo or maybe a year to 18 months with chemo..I have the same crushing feeling as you describe and an.empty nauseous feeling in my stomach. She is 80 and I cannot imagine ever being happy again. It does not help that she is so scared of death and is also crying a lot as is my dad who worships her. I don't have children and am not close to my dad or sister. I am married but feel so alone. I cannot imagine how I can sustain this level of misery and keep my job which I really need. I live an hour and a half from my mum and and worried about not having enough time with her due to work and distance. Sorry to hijack your post but I guess what I am saying is this is hell but obviously normal and hopefully we will find people who can make us believe that time will heal us eventually. 

Children
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