I cannot accept it

Hi,

My beautiful and caring mother passed away on 02 Sep 2020. She had a short battle with an agressive form of breast cancer.

I was in a fortunate position where I was able to become her full-time carer during her last few months with us. It was difficult and upsetting but I would do it all again. Watching her suffer was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I'm angry about cancer - it ROBBED my mum of everything.

I miss her so much.

  • I can really relate. Lost my mum 10th Sept it's so incredable hard I feel like iv lost everything. She was best friend. 

    Like you I was there though our at home with her but now she's gone I just feel lost. She was only 57. 

    Miss ringing her, messaging her, laughing together crying together, her laugher her advice. I know people say it gets easier but I'm really struggling like you. 

  • I feel just the same I lost my wife on 23/8/20 to stage 4 colon cancer we had such little time 7 weeks from diagnosis to her passing only 54 

    it's all the little things you miss like you said the calling me at work asking what I want for dinner,the laughing and the arguing also I miss hearing her voice and keep looking for her I reach out in vain and whisper her name constantly 

    you never accept death in my opinion you just learn to live along side it my wife was my rock ,my best friend and I will remember her everyday 

    you must stay strong as I'm sure your mum just as my wife would want us to be strong and fulfill our lives in there memory 

    one promise I made to my wife was that I would always be strong for our children and that our grandchildren would always know who there nan was and that's what keeps me going strong 

    it's only been 6 weeks and still I'm confused,hurting and angry I guess but none of this will bring my beautiful wife home to me so I just take it day by day and I know she is with me giving me the strength that I need to see this through until we are reunited once again 

    take care look after yourself 

  • Hello Mal1970

     

    Thankyou for taking the time to reply to my post. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. 7 weeks from knowing that must of been so difficult to handle. We got told in January and I can still see my mums face when the nurses told us all. She wanted to come home so I'm pleased we did managed to get her home after weeks being in hospital. 

    Sounds like you are amazing husband and father and that would of brought your wife great comfort I'm sure.  

    My mum was very raw with her feels she was angry at my step dad for having more time with us and the granddauhters. This was part of her grief of knowing what was to happen and my step dad knew it was and didn't take it to heart. 

     

    How are you dealing with it all?? Have you got support? Iv reached out to Marie curie and iv starting to have over the phone calls just talking about it all which seems to help me. It's almost I don't want talk abluy9it as it then becomes real but on the other hand it's all build inside me which I need to be able to let go. 

     

    Sending thoughts your way 

     

    Gemma

     

     

     

     

  • I'm struggling with her loss no not had any help only family popping in now and then to check on me my wife started to get angry and nasty in her final 3 days lashing out at family members even telling me to leave her alone etc but I know that wasn't my wife speaking to me 

    she told me she didn't want to die and that was the hard part knowing we could do nothing to save her  but I promised her I would look after our boys and her daughter from a previous marriage and the grandchildren which is a promise I ment and will do as long as I live the house and my world feel empty now without her I find talking about her helps and I still talk to her during the day and at night in bed as if she was here don't know if that's normal but it helps me a little I'm still young at 50 and know I may have many years ahead of me without her but I won't go a day without missing her in some way or another and to be honest I look at each day that passes I'm one day closer to being with her again grief is a funny thing and seems to come in stages as the weeks go by but I know that promise I made her so that keeps me going I feel she is around me sometimes and that's a comfort also but maybe it's time I got some counselling as I'm not that strong with her loss 

    ypu take care of yourself

     

     Mal

  • Hi,

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum, and feel for you greatly. How comforting for her it must have been to have you to care for her through to the end. You are so brave to have been able to have done that. I am sure that would have meant so much to her. I see that you are very recently bereaved and it will take time to come to terms and accept your loss. Please be kind to yourself while you are grieving and please be sure to reach out for support while you come to terms. You ensured your mum was comforted and supported during her fight with cancer, so, I am sure she would not want you to suffer in silence with your grief. Take good care of yourself, and I send you the most heartfelt of condolences.