Hello csc

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment. 4 months is still very early days in your journey with grief and with everything else that has happened due to the Covid19 pandemic, I think it's understandable that you're feeling as you are. 

Have you spoken to your GP or a counsellor about how you're feeling? Do give your GP a call if you've not spoken to them as they will be able to give you some support. Alternatively give Cruse a call and they will be able to arrange for you to talk to someone so that you can have some support in working through your thoughts and feelings. 

Grief can feel like a very lonely place to be at times but know that you're welcome to offload here on the forum at any point if it helps. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Hi csc 

I feel like I could have written those exact words. 

I lost my dad 1½ ago.

It took me a good 11 months to get over the initial stage of grief that I was going through and to stop crying in the shower.

I'm not very good with sharing how I feel so didnt really talk to anyone about it apart from my husband.

But like you, I had days where i didnt want to be around anyone, even my kids.

Each month did get easier but I dont know what happened after 11 months I just woke up one day and felt like me again.

I know that sounds like a long time but looking back I wouldn't say it is. The 1st year is the hardest.

One thing I really struggled with was how after the funeral everyone else went back to normal, it was like everyone and everything was whizzing past me and I was stuck still and I really couldn't understand why months later people just generally asking a normal question like hey how are you, why they wouldn't have at the fore front on their mind that I was still dealing with grief.

I did find people unknowingly did dismiss some of what I did share because they were probably thinking get on with it but I just think unless you have been through it you cant relate or even if you have been through it but not recently it's like they have forgot what you're going through.

I didnt need any pills to help sleep but then I had very young children so any time I did get to sleep my body would have no problem.

If you feel like you are really struggling then maybe go to the doctor and see if they can recommend anything even talking to a professional but just know its completely normal what you're going through and it will get easier. 4 months is still very raw and I think you'll have alot more stages to go through, at one point I even blamed my dad for dying, like he should have fought harder against the cancer!! Makes no sense now but at the time it's just what I was experiencing, I guess it was the anger stage.

Feel free to talk on here

I hope this has been of some help, its helped me just writing all this down as I bottle it all up.