Feeling so lost

Hi everyone, 

 

I am posting as I lost my father yesterday and it has been the longest and most painful 24hours I have ever experienced. My father recently took ill- coughing and breathless. He got an antibiotic off the doctor for a chest infection but it didn't work. We ended up at a covid assessment centre, where the doctors didn't think he had coronavirus but something worse so he went straight to A&E where they said he had pneumonia. He was only hospitalised for 3 days and then discharged. 5 days later he was back in hospital with severe lack of oxegen and breathing difficulties. They said the pneumonia had spread from looking at an x ray but upon doing a CT scan discovered he had a shadow on his lungs. He also had lots of fluid surrounding his lungs and heart. Two weeks to the day he was admitted, we found out it was small cell lung cancer. I was visiting him that night in hospital and left at 9pm. Less than 4 hours later I got a call to say my father was having a bad turn and needed to urgently get up to the hospital.I got up to the hospital and waited in a room to then be told by a Doctor that his heart stopped beating and they could not revive him. I stayed with him to 5am and found it so difficult to leave him there knowing that this was it. 

 

I feel like a dagger is sticking in my heart. I can't believe that just two weeks ago he was alive and now I am planning his funeral. I cant bear the thought that I am never going to see or hear his voice again. I spoke to him everyday (sometimes several times). I am constantly crying, upset and can't think of anything else. I feel so lost and alone. 

 

Please if anyone could give me some advise on how to get through  this. 

 

Thanks, 

 

Emma

  • Hi Emma,  firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. 

     

    I lost my mam on the 9th July to non small cell lung cancer. I feel your pain, I'm still in shock from my mams passing and expect her to phone me at any stage now to give out about something!! 

    No ones words will help you right now, losing a parent is so cruel. My mam was only 55. I feel so robbed. 

     

    These next few days/ weeks are going to be so hard. I asked my mam the night before her funeral to give me strength, strength that I so desperately 

    needed to get through the day without being a complete mess and as always she helped me. Ask your dad to help you and I bet he will  

     

    Sending you lots of hugs x 

     

    Sonya 

  • Hi emma,

     

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad too this week to small cell lung cancer, there are no words to describe how sad I feel, and I'm sure you feel the same.

    I have chatted to a few friends who have lost parents, and their advice is to be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to grieve and then to allow yourself time to be distracted and concentrate on self care. 

     

    I can't believe small cell lung cancer could be so aggressive. It's sounds like everything for your dad happened quickly, I'm sure that was a huge shock which you are trying to process. We knew for months with my dad, but honestly I don't know if that was easier, he battled it with such hope only for us to be devastated in the end. Either way it's so very painful. 

    I thought I'd message to say I'm so sorry for your loss and that I understand how painful it is and how lost it makes you feel.

     

    I'm trying to be as strong as possible for my dad, I believe he's watching over me and wouldn't want to see me sad. My mum keeps telling me that he's with me and left me with the tools to cope with him gone, it's hard to think like this but I'm trying... I'm only on day 4 and the funeral isn't until next week, I'm worried that that's going to be too much...

     

    sending you love and support.



     

  • Lovely words Sonya, I'm reading them too and will try and take your advice of asking my dad for the strength. X

  • Hi [@pinkemma2402]‍ just checking in, how are you doing?