Hi - So sorry to hear of your dad's sudden passing.  I think you have a choice as regards the chapel of rest as to whether it is an open or closed coffin (unless contagious illness) - funeral directors would normally ask what you wanted. If they don't ask you need to tell them if you have a preference.  Funeral director should also talk you through procedures and what to expect by phone if you call them in advance so that you feel prepared and can make your decision. Tell the staff about any uncertainties/anxieties you might have. It may help you to simply sit by your father with the coffin closed and talk to him in a quiet calm restful place in order to help prepare you for any funeral. Or you might want to see him if that is allowed (am not sure if there are COVID restrictions in place). Be prepared for an outpouring of grief at the Chapel. Or you might feel completely numb. If you are unsure about how it will affect you emotionally take someone with you and don't drive yourself if possible. Go with your intuition on this one. What is it that you want? A personal special goodbye before a funeral takes place or sometime afterwards in a place that had significance for you both or by a grave/memorial stone. There are so many different ways to say goodbye to people. We all choose the one that feel right for us. Please discuss this with the Chapel of Rest if you are unsure. I am sure they will give helpful advice. Again my condolences on your loss x

Hi,

Sorry for your loss. When my Dad passed almost 3 years ago, my Brother and I decided we would like to go to the chapel of rest even though as a family we had all been with my Dad during his passing.

I was glad I went. He looked so peaceful and more youthful and dressed in his favourite clothing.

Initially we felt nervous, but then after some emotion we spoke to him and my Brother and I shared happy memories. I placed a flower in Dads hand and kissed him and told him again how I loved him. I think it helped me because after nursing him and seeing him in pain it gave us comfort he was at peace. It is entirely your decision what feels right for you.

Dona x

Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad just under two weeks ago and had not been able to visit him for the few days leading up to and including his passing, due to him being in the hospital, and that was a horrendous thing for me as we were so close. Afterwards, I went to see him three times at the undertakers. It was lovely to see him finally at peace and I know I had that time to be with him and that brings me great comfort now. 

If you have not been to see someone lying at rest before, please believe me, it is not frightening... it can be a bit surreal at first, but not scary. People just look like they are asleep. You will probably cry, I did, but for me I also found it very calming and reassuring to know he was no longer suffering. It gives you time to say goodbye. You can take also something to place in the coffin. I took a letter and some flowers, which was very comforting for me. If you have the choice, I really would encourage you to try and go, you may regret not going later. You could always go and ask the undertaker to go in with you, for support. Ours was so understanding and supportive. Best wishes.

I went to see my dad.  I sat and talked to him for an hour and left him a poem and a photograph.   He didn't look exactly like himself, but I wasn't expecting him to as I remember my grandparents and mum not either.  If you feel you can,  it is a chance that you don't ever get again, especially if you were close.   And I didn't like to think of him in there alone with no visitors X

Thank you for sharing this. So glad you had that special time together and chance to say goodbye personally. I am not so good at saying goodbye. X

Hi,

Yes I did decide to go and see him at the chapel of rest and I am so glad that I did. I had already told myself that he might not look exactly like I was used to and prepared myself for the worst. He looked exactly like he was sleeping and I spent quite a while there with him just chatting to him. I like to think he was there too just listening to me talk my usual rubbish. I am doing okay for the most part, I still don't think it has fully sunken in that he has gone just yet and not sure if it ever really does. I hope you're okay too! You're advice of your own experience really helped so thank you!

When my parents died a few years apart I did go to see them, and I think it helped a lot. If you want to take something short to read by them you may find it helps. It did for me.