Hello everyone.  My name is Gill and my husband; my soulmate, died at the end of April 2020.  

I have been feeling so alone (not lonely) everhl since the death of my husband, but reading about what you are all going through, has made me even more aware of how cruel cancer in all its forms can be.

My husband and I had known each other for nearly 60 years.  We first met when I was 16 and he was 20. We went out a few times, but he just wasn't ready for a long term relationship.  So we went our separate ways and lost touch.  
I married and raised a family, but my marriage didn't last and the first thing I did when I was in the area where he worked, I plucked up the courage to call to see him.  And, I was overjoyed to find out that he was not married and never had been. We saw each other as often as we could and five years later we were married.  I can honestly say, it was the happiest day of my life.  No fuss; just two witnesses and the two of us. And that's how it would be for the next 35 years, apart from a few special friends and family.  We happily lived in our little bubble, until we were given the dreaded C diagnosis 18 months ago.  We were devastated of course, but we agreed to make the most of every day.   We cried a lot, but we also laughed a lot. We were strong; we didn't need anyone else in our bubble. I looked after my wonderful husband for about 10 days before he finally had to go into hospital. 3 days later, I had lost the love of my life.

I have never posted on a forum before, so I hope this isn't too much.  It's the first time I've really been able to express how I feel.  Lost;  bewildered; and so sad.

Thank you.