I lost my mum when I was  16 years old to cancer. She got sick the first time when I was 8 and had breast cancer and a full mastectomy. The cancer returned when I was 15 and had spread to her lungs, liver, spine and brain and she was then sick for around 18 months before she passed (which was longer than we could have imagined!).

My mum was a single mum and I, an only child. I was THE most loved child in the universe. My childhood rich with nurture, love, laughter, care, support, empathy, freedom, I was truly so privilidged to have the mother that I did. We were inseperable, in love, just such an amazing duo known by all. Since she left, 10 years have passed and it goes up and down in terms of easiness to live a normal life. I've grown to be an extremely resillient and independent woman and can say that I am pretty proud of where I've got myself to.

However my biggest issue now is that I cannot remember anything. I cannot remember the trips we took in our campervan, the jokes we had, I couldn't retell a single conversation between the two of us, I could not tell you a lesson she taught me (despite her even being a primary school teacher - the best ever), and this all makes me sick.

It makes me extremely angry with my teenage-self. The one that took my gorgeous mother and all those moments together for granted. 

I am just coming onto this page for the first time and wanting to know if anyone has experienced anything similar but some how managed to retrieve those memories? I have started therapy for the first time since she passed this year and its definitely helping in some ways. I think I've managed to just coast off of my strong will from my strong mother up until now.

Any tips on how to get those memories back would be so appreciated.