I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad at the end of September last year, he died at home and I was there too. Its so difficult to imagine that you'll ever get the image out of your head, I understand that totally. You never lose it but it does get better, that's how I've found it. I really hope you're OK, please make sure you take time to go through all the emotions you have.

xx

Thank you so much for this Paul. I would love to believe in everything you've said, and I think I do. I definitely talk to him, and I hear his voice in my head when I have decisions to make. 

I'm 24 and he died on Father's day so it's always going to be hard for the next god knows how long but I have a strong, close network of friends and family who have been great so far 

x

Thank you so much for your response, and I'm sorry for your loss. How have you been coping so far? Have you had any counselling / would you recommend that at all? I feel so very traumatised about it and I just want room for all the good memories. x

All I can say is, give yourself time. Grief doesn't go away and I don't believe it's something we have to get over or move past. It's something we live with but it changes, that doesn't mean that you'll be sad everyday, far from it. It is different all the time. And I've found that I go up and down. Counselling is something I've considered and I'm still considering. It might help to talk it through with someone totally impartial, that you can just let it all out to and not worry about upsetting them. Xx

Hi ill ile just say this i wouldnt say you forget you never do but the sun will shine again how long depends on yourself . Your mums a diffrent story that will take a very long time and i speak from experiance ime 66 and have had some horrendous health problems this last year .ime very lodgical thinker so i dont just disbeleive or beleive but beleive you me ive seen things that have totaly changed my views on life after death its not the god thing .ime not religious in any way and what happens i dont know but theres things go on i could never explain we arnt here by chance thats for sure our bodys are a miracle just on there own .ask any scientist or google it the energy we are made of neither is made or is destroyed its its  here since the beginning of time and will be there till the end of time well its that that controls all our thoughts so you beleive it .theres a post on here from sarhapine8 if you can find it its about sighns after loss theres hundreds of replies about sighns people have had dreams are a common one we cant all be imaginging it it may give you some insight and comfort.so my best wishes to you your brother or your mum i hope her bruises where not to bad .paul

Hi LizH,

My dad died on the 21st June and had a very similar experience to yourself. I wrote it down soon after my dad had died and if it's ok I thought I would share it with you as I remember.

 I had arrived early as my dad's breathing had changed overnight and so for the rest of the day, we were all there (mum, sister, me) next to my dad who was in his hospital bed at home in my parent's lounge. His breathing became rapid and shallow and then crackled in his throat before turning into a bubbling and gargling sound which was traumatic and sounded painful. We were assured that it was more distressing for us. Dad appeared to me as though his body was automatically breathing-almost like a machine. When the district nurses arrived in the evening he became very distressed when they turned him over for pressure relief. At 8.15pm on Father’s Day he was put into a comfortable position by the nurses in his own home before he opened his eyes and inhaled deeply through his mouth. His eyes rolled back into his skull and then focused on something beyond or through us. Mum, sister and me were right next to him: holding his hands and stroking his arm and face. It sounds calm but actually we ran to be by his side when his eyes rolled after I'd shouted "his eyes" and it was the nurse that told us it was ok and to hold his hand and talk to him. His eyes are amazingly bright and bluer than I’ve ever seen them. He took another two or three tiny breaths which were like reflexes when his head relaxed and lolled to one side. I howled that he'd gone and just felt this raw, animalistic pain like no other. His eyes stayed open but closed when my sister touched them gently. He became very still and immediately his face looked relaxed. Over the next 4 hours he gradually looked more and more like himself. He had a tiny, small but definite quiet smile on his face. 
 

My sister and I are traumatised by his eyes rolling back and the noise of his breathing which was horrific. I will never forget that sound. Up until 48 hours before he died, we hadn't seen any evidence that dad was aware of any pain or suffering which I believe is quite common with brain tumours. But now I still see him like this when I close my eyes.  BUT I have included the other details as I wrote them down soon after. Now when I think about the way that his eyes focused on something beyond us also makes me believe that this is a point where they are able to see beyond the physical world. It was my mum that pointed out how blue his eyes were and I hadn't noticed that at the time as I was so shocked, panicked, horrified that it was happening right in front of us and there was nothing that anybody could do to stop it. Now I think how lovely that is how my mum remembers my dad's final breath. I also agree that they choose when they will die and my dad died when the nurses were at the house so that they could keep us calm and look after things afterwards. 

I don't think I will ever get over or forget but I do believe that the trauma won't continue to be so invasive or harrowing.I thought that I was prepared and did so much reading on when/how he would actually die but like you said there is nothing that can truly prepare you for the reality.

Hope the sharing helps in some way and know that you are not alone at all. I am so, so sorry that you've lost your dad xx

First of all my heart breaks for you and your family, losing a parent is just completely devastating and I'm struggling every day to come to terms with this 

Reading your experience brought me to tears; I can't even fathom how accurately similar our experiences were. It's probably the completely wrong thing to say but it brought me the smallest bit of comfort to know that I am not alone in how I'm feeling due to what I witnessed. 

If you want to talk about ANYTHING, if you just want to vent, please don't hesitate to contact me because I'm here. For you. 

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I appreciate it so much. 

Liz x

Hi Liz

Be assured that your dad would have experienced it very differently. Many stories tell of people entering a euphoric state in these moments. He may have heard your brother shouting and wished that he could let you know that hes OK now. I too relive the death of my wife in my arms but will never know what she felt