Cancer Research UK main site

I lost my Dad two weeks ago.

Peacewind
Offline

I lost my Dad two weeks ago. 

 

My Dad wasn't just my Dad but also my business partner. We did everything together. He was really smart and made superb decisions in his life that enabled me to have a wonderful upbringing and great life. Now that he is gone not only am i grieving in his absense, but i'm also missing the wonderful advice he would give me in times of need. He would always put my mind at ease with any worries that I had.  He was great at simple logical answers that made total sense and cured any irrational fears I had.  

 

Now that he's gone I find myself needing his advice yet again - (why do life's other troubles always come at a time when its more inappropriate than ever?)  He isn't here and I feel myself getting anxious & panicking not knowing what to do, its funny how at 44 something like this can make you feel like a 7 year old boy needing his Father. 

 

Because his death was sudden, I had no time to ask him any of the final important questions that would crop up, or ask his advice on certain things, or get any unfinished business sorted out that we needed to do. I am lost in a whirlwind. 

 

I'm afraid of moving forward because I do not know if I am doing the right thing or not without him here to discuss first. I have this need to have a direct phone call with him wherever he's gone to, and it's so hard knowing that I cant do that.

 

My Dad was always had my back, he was my trustee that i'd ask before any action was taken. I fear that I everything he worked for will now come crashing down under my control. My mixed feelings seem to have triggered because this is the first time I really need my Dad's advice. Before this I thought I was processing it all 'OK'ish

 

As you can see I'm not having a good day and I feel afraid. 

 

If anyone else can relate to these feelings I'd be grateful to hear. 

 

Thank you 

  • Offline

    Hi peacwind so sorry about your dad he was your rock it is agony loosing a loved one and at the momment you will feel so lost but sounds like your dad showed you many great things you will carry through your life sounds like a remarkable man not that this will help much but it does get easier you will not feel this way for ever .and what makes you think he has totaly gone he will be around for a while they say love never dies but neither does energy which is what works our physical bodies it the energy that carrys our thoughts our love pretty much our soul if you want to use that name ime not religious but there are things in this world we are never going to know or are ment to. I lost the love of my life two years ago ime not lonely at all as i feel her around i cant explain the feeling its just there .if you dont just chat to your dad when your alone i do with my liz .i canr see her but as they the same with energy we cant see that but we all know its there nows the time to celebrate your dads life ime a dad and grandad and thats what i want my kids to go out in the world and have a great life .onece again my sympathys to you and your family best wishs paul

  • Offline

    Hello Peacewind,

     

    I lost my father too not quite 10 days ago. I'm 52 and I identify with a lot of what you've said. My dad was just a huge part of my life and the funniest, most modest, kind person I've ever known. I always checked things out with him and asked his opinion on all sorts of things from money to business decisions and relationships. It was a huge shock really. Although it was 6 weeks from diagnosis to his passing, we thought he had months to go -right up until the very last week when he went downhill. But he didn't want to suffer and so this brings me some peace. I adore him but I knew I had to let him go. He has accepted his death and we were so lucky having enough time to say everything and prepare just enough. It's his funeral on Wednesday and Im getting quite tense about it. 
    I totally sympathise with you not having any time to say goodbye. I'm sure it frightens you to feel so suddenly abandoned. But try and have faith in yourself. You carry his words and opinions with you. Try to feel what he would say when you feel worried or scared. He'd reassure you and calm you down. You are able to make those decisions-you said so in fact. 
    I feel like my legs have turned to concrete sometimes. As if I'm in a slow motion film. A really weird sort of disassociation feeling. But I  look at photos and I can hear him answer me in my head. Have faith in yourself. Wishing you so much strength and peace in your heart. 

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    Thank you very much for your words of wisdom. They are of great comfort to me and I appreciate it!  

  • Offline in reply to emup

    Hi Emup,

     

    So sorry to hear about your Father too. It must be very raw for you too at the moment. I absolutely identify with carrying his words of wisdom with me.  Our funeral hasn't been arranged just yet, we're still waiting for the coroners report. 

     

    When he was diagnosed with cancer I made sure to audio record all the long journeys we had to the hopsital & back. He never knew i was recording those journeys but I knew this day would come, and that it would be wise to do it. Because of that I now have some wonderful Father & Son conversations that I can replay any time I like, lots of them over 1 hour long. That should give me some comfort by hearing his voice. 

     

    I hope you get through your journey. We're both in a tough place at the moment and I trust it will get easier for you.  Good luck with the funeral, I hope its a lovely send off for him. And you look after yourself in the meantime. We'll get through this my friend :)

     

    Peacewind

  • Offline in reply to emup

    I saw your reply how thoughtful to comfort someone else when your stuggling yourself .i hope tom goes ok for you and my sympathys and and best best wishs to you and your family.paul 

  • Offline

    Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad on June 5th his funeral is on Thursday 25th. I feel robbed that we didn't get to see him as he went into hospital beginning of may as he wasn't feeling well. We got called in 2 weeks later to say the cancer had spread to other organs and that there was nothing else they could do. Drs thought he'd have a few months. He went into the hospice on the Monday to get his pain under control before coming home but he died on the Friday. 
    luckily the hospice said he could have one visitor only as they are strict with visiting due to COVID which was on the Friday so my mum went up and I sat in the car. Little did we know that 2 hrs after my mum left he died.

     I wish I got to see him I was just there in the car park. I'm heartbroken keep thinking I see him everywhere which is ridiculous. I cry all the time but not in front of my mum or my children but then I can't sleep. I'm just so sad that he died alone. I totally sympathise  with you I really do xx

  • Offline in reply to Peacewind

    Thank you. I wish I had recorded my Dadnow. We have a few videos from various events and lots of photos. He lost his voice 3 months before he died so it would be lovely to hear him how he was when in full power! But it's easy to go down what ifs... and I doubt it helps anyone really. I think I'm going to try to focus on the positive force he was in my life and my family's and to be truly thankful for him. I'm so sad really but he would not want us to be negative or to be miserable. I know I'm going to hit some tough times but it's natural and I know I will get to a point where I can remember without that awful

    internal rip opening up. As they say- grief is the price you pay for love - and lets be glad we had that love. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.