Dear Ceeg33,

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. I'm very glad to hear that you've found a way to get through your grief. I completely agree - experiencing grief (or rather searing pain) means you have loved greatly and been loved in return. Sometimes I wonder whether it would have been better NOT to love and be loved in that way. Hopefully I can reach the stage where I feel the way you do,

Best

A

Hi, today is my dads birthday. Well would have been his 61st. I lost him 15 days after his 50th, when I was 11. I still hurt every single day, if I allow myself to. I wish I could say I've found a better way to cope than to just shut the memories and sadness off and not let myself feel it for the most part. Some days I let myself and some days Its too strong to hold back. But if I didn't at least try I could still cry for him every day. There is so much we were supposed to do together, so much he should have seen. Its the most painful to know he will never know me. He will have never met adult me, and adult me will never ever meet him. I feel like I will never love anyone as much as I loved him and I have lived in fear of losing my mom since the day I lost him. I also agree I find it so hard to imagine loving a partner as much as I love my dad, or for any man to even come close. 
 

But I agree; all this pain is love. To hurt this much means we have loved so deeply. Sometimes I can't even separate the two because I feel both the most love and most loved when I am grieving. I am beyond lucky to have loved someone this much. 
 

This sadness and grief becomes a part of you in a way that hurts less because its so familiar. Its true, it gets better, in a way.

happy birthday, i love you 

Hi. Your not alone I lost my dad in August and I feel exactly what you have said ..Beth 

So sorry to hear that. I hope you're managing to get by Beth.

Hi I'm trying but it's so hard as you probably already no....take things day by day...mood up and down... feelings of guilt...my dad didn't have cancer though.

Indeed. Often feels impossible. Feelings of guilt I know too. But more often feelings of deep regret - regret that I didn't spend more time with him, especially when he was the greatest person I have ever known.

I hope you're finding support somewhere. I wish you all the best

I was caring for my dad in hospital and then at his home an was with him alone when he passed ...he had a diabetic ulcer on his foot which led to septis an organ failure....I lost my mum 27yrs ago but I have a brother and my 2 children an grandkids.. just feel I need to kick this feeling of no motivation but then feel I shouldn't be happy as my dad can't..but he would so kick my butt lol ..he was the other half of me!! I hope you are getting help too..I'm still waiting for bereavement counselling.

I'm very sorry about that. I'm glad you have a sibling and childs and grandkids. Hopefully that gives you (some) motivation 

Thankyou I hope you find some peace too.

I really ended to read this post tonight! I just wanted to say thank you.

 I could have written parts myself.

i feel so lost right now

 my dad was my support network, my safety blanket, my advisor and my parent and I at 38 (almost 39) was still his little girl. I still need him and I still can't believe he's really gone.

iv taken to emailing him everytime I want to call or tell him something or ask him something. I miss him so much I just can't see how I will ever get past this feeling of emptiness