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I can't live without my dad - anyone feel the same?

bras1548
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Hi everyone,

 

My father died almost 6 months ago. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, my confidant, basically the love of my life. I will never love anyone that way again. He was my other half. We communicated almost every single day in some way (although I have regrets about how I handled this, which I may share another time). The point, though, is this:

 

I don't think I can live without him.

 

He meant more to me than life itself. He was my oxygen, my sunshine, my everything. He was the most remarkable and wonderful human being I have ever known (and will ever know). Every day now I have the pain of realising that he won't ever be with me again. I'm writing this post for one reason: to find other people who feel the same or at least similar.

 

Here are some things that I have NOT found helpful:

 

- People telling me to think about "what he would have wanted". Yes, of course he would have wanted me to go on and live my life. But I don't see how I can live a happy life without him.

 

- People telling me that things "get better in time." Maybe they do, maybe they don't. For some people they actually don't. Some people never recover from the loss of a loved one. He wasn't just a "loved one." He was EVERYTHING to me. And now I have the rest of my life to be WITHOUT him.

 

My love for my father was deeper and more intense than anything else I've ever known. Life feels completely meaningless without him. I have no interest in starting my own family; no interest in meeting somebody; no interest in connecting with others. Without my father in my life, those things don't mean anything to me.

 

The ONLY thing I want is to be with my father again - to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I've never felt love from anyone the way I did from him. He showered me with warmth and love.

 

Does anyone feel the same? 

 

Adam

 

 

  • Offline in reply to Hen90

    Totally feel your pain  

     

  • Offline in reply to MaryOH

    Thank you. I hope you are not feeling it

  • Offline

    Hi there, 

    I know years have gone by from this post but nothing has resonated with me more than this AT ALL. I feel like I wrote it, it's that accurate. My most wonderful Dad passed just over a week ago and honestly I just don't want to carry on without him. I miss him an indescribable amount and love him even more. I feel like my world has ended and it will forever be dull. I am so lost and empty without him. I just don't know what I'm going to do or how to navigate through life without him. Im beyond heartbroken. 
     

    Please tell me that this gets easier cos right now, I just want to end it all as my family just don't understand me like he did. X

  • Offline in reply to SKAEMN

    So sorry for your loss. It's one of the hardest things you will go through.  Yes, it does get better. It will be impossible to believe this right now because your body is filled to the core with sorrow, and you can feel it overwhelm you. I'm almost 3 years on and my life is back to normal, but I think about Dad every day. The actual sorrow pain turns from being automatic (what you're feeling now and can't control) to a controlled state. What I mean by this is you will eventually get in full control of your emotions where you can command being sad for a day by summoning thoughts, to actually having days when you don't even think about it. Right now, it's almost impossible to believe, your pain is raw and feels like it will be with you forever and ever! Trust me, your body sorts all that out for you.  I want you to think of your Dad, go out for a walk and literally talk to him and let his answers be heard in your mind, because that's the way they communicate back to you. You are supposed to feel like your world's ended, that's exactly how i felt! Life was a blur, nothing meant anything any more, I was walking alone and watching other people carry on as normal when my Dad had just died! My friend, hang in there, let this process happen to you, your Dad would totally understand. It's totally normal.  You'll be fine my friend, just take it easy, and take each day as it comes, some will be good, some will be absolutely terrible. Its the process we all go through. My blessings and hugs to you. 

  • Offline

    I feel very much the same.  My Dad died several years ago and there's PTSD and a yearning that fades for a while, but never truly goes away.

    I also feel that he was such a gentle soul and deserved more - his final days and hours were very difficult.

    I wish I did more for him when he was here.  I wish I showed him how very much I loved him.  Everything that was good has lost all meaning.  I find it hard to live with the pain of loosing him 

     

     

  • Offline in reply to MissHim

    I'm so sorry you have to experience that. I honey don't know how anybody manages to deal with such a loss. The only thing I have ever experienced that is truly "soul-destroying." I hope you find a way to get through

  • Offline

    Hi, I just signed up to this and your post was the first one to come up and it reminded me of exactly how I felt after losing my dad, who was my everything.  Someone said to me, after he died that you’ll start to regain your life after around 2 years and I thought, 2 years?! I can’t live like this for 2 years, I struggle to put one foot in front of another but day by day you will get stronger and your absolute horrendous times get further and further apart.

    I miss my dad everyday but I promise you, it does get easier and you start learning to live without them, without forgetting. It just takes time.

    Thinking of you x

  • Offline

    Yes I do. I lost my mother when I was 13. But the pain of losing my dad 2 weeks ago is too much to bear. I go on for my daughter's sake.

  • Offline

    I feel exactly the same I. Lost my dad 2 months ago on Saterday and he was my best friend to and he was all the things your dad was to you my dad was to me I adored him he was my world my hero I’m struggling to live without my dad to he was so young he ment more than life to me to I feel the same there I want to give up to but I know my dad wouldn’t want that for me like my cats are my only reason for living right now I don’t know how to live without my dad either yeah that bugs me to people say it gets easier with time it dosent it just gets harder I lost my granny 8 years ago next month and she was also my best friend my whole world everybody my dad was to and every day without is really hard living without my granny was hard enough without my dad it’s unbearable I feel exactly the same as you here if you need to talk would be happy to be there for you we could be there for each other all I want lately is a hug from my dad and for him to make me feel safe sorry for your loss 

  • Offline in reply to Dolphins5

    Its now 5 weeks since my dad died, and I am still struggling. My friends dad died 2 weeks after mine, and I am going to the funeral today. Do you have any close family to lean on?. My heart goes out to you. I could not go on if I did not have my daughter. Take care.

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