I can't live without my dad - anyone feel the same?

Hi everyone,

 

My father died almost 6 months ago. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, my confidant, basically the love of my life. I will never love anyone that way again. He was my other half. We communicated almost every single day in some way (although I have regrets about how I handled this, which I may share another time). The point, though, is this:

 

I don't think I can live without him.

 

He meant more to me than life itself. He was my oxygen, my sunshine, my everything. He was the most remarkable and wonderful human being I have ever known (and will ever know). Every day now I have the pain of realising that he won't ever be with me again. I'm writing this post for one reason: to find other people who feel the same or at least similar.

 

Here are some things that I have NOT found helpful:

 

- People telling me to think about "what he would have wanted". Yes, of course he would have wanted me to go on and live my life. But I don't see how I can live a happy life without him.

 

- People telling me that things "get better in time." Maybe they do, maybe they don't. For some people they actually don't. Some people never recover from the loss of a loved one. He wasn't just a "loved one." He was EVERYTHING to me. And now I have the rest of my life to be WITHOUT him.

 

My love for my father was deeper and more intense than anything else I've ever known. Life feels completely meaningless without him. I have no interest in starting my own family; no interest in meeting somebody; no interest in connecting with others. Without my father in my life, those things don't mean anything to me.

 

The ONLY thing I want is to be with my father again - to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I've never felt love from anyone the way I did from him. He showered me with warmth and love.

 

Does anyone feel the same? 

 

Adam

 

 

Parents
  • Hi,

    I felt the same too.  I also did various activities with my dad. Eg fishing, walks, bike rides, he'd help me learn to drive, encouraged me with my art. All sorts of things. He was just there. Even supporting me through my cancer.

    But when he visited the hospital, where I worked at the time, for an xray, I just knew something was wrong. Dad was never ill.

    A little later I had to file reports with xrays and came across his. I read the report and found he had terminal cancer (I still question why I survived and he didn't). I couldn't take this news home and it was heartbreaking to watch his decline. Sadly he passed away just months after the visit for the xray.

    It was eerie. Strange. I felt incredibly lost. Like I'd lost my leader. I didn't know how to move forward.  I had mum but not dad and had them both up to then, it was unreal. 

    I understand what you mean when people say "he'd want you to be happy" etc . Yes we want to live on with our dad's,  to experience life events with them and make memories. We have memories but we can't make any more with them. This hurts.

    When I go to my mum's home (where dad was too) I get feeling I've just missed him, eg I've arrived and he's just popped out.

    You are not alone in feeling like this. 

    My dad died nearly 16 years ago now but everything still feels raw and painful and it doesn't take much to set me off to want him back.  I have siblings but they and mum don't get it when I get as upset as I do, especially on dad's birthday or anniversary.

    When mum's time comes I really don't want to go through this as it will bring all this back again. But it is still dad I want to be with and have the long chats with again. 

    Liz618

  • Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wish you could have those chats with your dad again. I really hope you're managing to find even a tiny bit of happiness despite the loss.

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