I completely understand you, even though this post is old, felt like commenting on it, hope I won't upset you by talking about it and if I do I am really sorry. I lost my dad and going through the same thing. I am 44 and we didn't have a day which we never spoke. I don't feel whole anymore, like my other half is gone if that makes sense. We spoke every morning on the phone and had our coffees together chatting about everything and everyone, I literally have no one to talk to now because he was my only one. It feel weird, have so much memories of him, talks and fun times that we have done together, he is literally been in every minute of my life and now he is not here. My dad was my hero, the only person I can trust in this life and now is not here. Another thing that it hurts me loads is the knowing how people treated him, unfortunately we live in a very self centred world and people don't think of others abd to check on them, so when my dad passed away I had loads of people grieving which made me feel sad because where was they when he was around... they are crying but I feel like I am dying, I actually want to go but I know that will be a wrong thing to do because I have my own family who needs me. 
Anyways I do hope you are coping better now and you managed to find some comfort and peace. My condolences to you and your family and may your dad rest in peace. 

I completely understand you, even though this post is old, felt like commenting on it, hope I won't upset you by talking about it and if I do I am really sorry. I lost my dad and going through the same thing. I am 44 and we didn't have a day which we never spoke. I don't feel whole anymore, like my other half is gone if that makes sense. We spoke every morning on the phone and had our coffees together chatting about everything and everyone, I literally have no one to talk to now because he was my only one. It feel weird, have so much memories of him, talks and fun times that we have done together, he is literally been in every minute of my life and now he is not here. My dad was my hero, the only person I can trust in this life and now is not here. Another thing that it hurts me loads is the knowing how people treated him, unfortunately we live in a very self centred world and people don't think of others abd to check on them, so when my dad passed away I had loads of people grieving which made me feel sad because where was they when he was around... they are crying but I feel like I am dying, I actually want to go but I know that will be a wrong thing to do because I have my own family who needs me. 
Anyways I do hope you are coping better now and you managed to find some comfort and peace. My condolences to you and your family and may your dad rest in peace. 

Hi szr - I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering. What you say sounds very familiar to me. It's now been two years since I lost my father but I feel the same way. Everything you've written about you and your dad applies to me and mine.

I hope that you too find a way to cope. It sounds as if you had a wonderful relationship with your father. I know how difficult it is to lose that. Wishing you strength

Dear Szr,  bras1548 and all on this post

I am a cancer researcher and although I did not lose my parents to cancer, their loss is vicerous, and with me every day. I lost Mummy in 2007 and Daddy in 2015. I feel like I have been the most lucky person on the planet with my parents. They were kindest, loveliest, funniest most generous, amazing people in my life and like some of you, I cant imagine having a partner, as I cannot imagine anyone matching my parents in their qualities (not even saying this as their child, but as any other humans they every came across. For many many years after each of their deaths, but most profoundly in the 6 years after my dads death, I have felt, for the most part that life was not worth living. Although I have been blessed with a wonderful career, I felt that most things were not enjoyable and recently, with travel being suspended, I lost one of my great reasons for being.  It has only being in the last few months,  and the realisation of how wonderful life could be - new experiences, the kindness of friends and the kindness of strangers in times of need, and a new job whih I love, that I feel that my grief has now come full circle where I can look back with happiness and celebration of my parents, and a feeling that I can enjoy my future. It has taken a while and has been hard, but I am so glad to get through this and maybe now help others that are going through grief. The best thing I realised was that in a small way, experiencing grief actually means you have loved greatly and have been loved in return, which in itself is a comfort.  I wish all of you strength and hope. 

Dear Ceeg33,

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. I'm very glad to hear that you've found a way to get through your grief. I completely agree - experiencing grief (or rather searing pain) means you have loved greatly and been loved in return. Sometimes I wonder whether it would have been better NOT to love and be loved in that way. Hopefully I can reach the stage where I feel the way you do,

Best

A

Hi, today is my dads birthday. Well would have been his 61st. I lost him 15 days after his 50th, when I was 11. I still hurt every single day, if I allow myself to. I wish I could say I've found a better way to cope than to just shut the memories and sadness off and not let myself feel it for the most part. Some days I let myself and some days Its too strong to hold back. But if I didn't at least try I could still cry for him every day. There is so much we were supposed to do together, so much he should have seen. Its the most painful to know he will never know me. He will have never met adult me, and adult me will never ever meet him. I feel like I will never love anyone as much as I loved him and I have lived in fear of losing my mom since the day I lost him. I also agree I find it so hard to imagine loving a partner as much as I love my dad, or for any man to even come close. 
 

But I agree; all this pain is love. To hurt this much means we have loved so deeply. Sometimes I can't even separate the two because I feel both the most love and most loved when I am grieving. I am beyond lucky to have loved someone this much. 
 

This sadness and grief becomes a part of you in a way that hurts less because its so familiar. Its true, it gets better, in a way.

happy birthday, i love you