Hi

My dad too had bile duct cancer . Was diagnosed In October 2019. Had a failed resection as it had spread when they opened him up.  He had sepsis 5 times and was constantly sick . He went into hospital in March 20. They locked the hospital down and we couldn't see him for 3 weeks due to covid.  We seen him for an hour to say goodbye and he died the next day alone. We all ended up arguing around the funeral . Unfortunately grief and shock do this to families sometimes.  I spent the night before my dads funeral smashing all my dishes and screaming at my mother.  Not cos she had done anything,  it was something I could not help.  People handle grief differently unfortunately. Try not to let them ruin this already awful time for you x

Hi and thank you for your reply I am sorry for your loss x hers had unfortunately spread to her nymph modes her abdomen her spine her heart chest and bones she really had no chance and she was the strongest person I know x I can't believe tomorrow we will be saying a final goodbye to her it's heartbreaking to have to choose between saying goodbye to my mother and best friend or supporting my husband who is upset he can't go x 

I can't believe they have said he can't go if she hadn't told you that. But you must go whatever or you'll regret it. You must go, ignore any nastiness, Pay your respects to your mum with flowers or whatever you want to leave there, and be confident that she loves you and that your relationship with her was solid. Sadly death can bring out the absolute worst in people, probably because of the stress, or jealousy. But you'll regret not being there as she would want you to be. So go. Your husband will get over it - you probably won't if you don't go. 

Hi thanks for your reply x 

I went to the funeral yesterday my hubby dropped me off and waited by the car for me as I was walking towards the chapel entrance  two of my selfish nasty family members started swearing at him and making threats for everyone to hear they ruined my poor mothers final day I just can't believe it I went back there today to see my mothers flowers we had bought and they have been destroyed how can any human being do this I know it wasn't wind damage etc as all the other tributes from them nasty people are ok but mines broken and wrecked my children's message card was broken off and chucked on the ground too I'm so heartbroken they have ruined the most precious day only sat to say goodbye how could they do it x 

That sounds awful. I can't believe people can be like that. In this case you must remind yourself that what you had with your mum while she was alive was real and mattered as much to her as you. And she knows that you loved her and will always think of her. Take these thoughts with you. If you need somewhere to 'go' to have your own place for her maybe you can find a corner of your garden and plant a rose or small plant in her name. And you can know that when you're there, so is she. And keep that private space just for you two. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It makes a terrible time even more difficult. I wouldn't have anything to do with those people again. I hope you are able to focus on the good and forget the rest.