My love goes out to yeh. I too looked after my partner until the very end when he went to a local hospice. He passed so peacefully which was a god send. I know what your going through as so many are. But know this you are not alone these are such awful times i wish i could give you words that make you feel better. But only time will do that. Losing someone should never be. But life has its own plan. We cant change it unfortunatley, we can be here for one another that i have come beleive. I send you all my love..god blessxxxx

My love goes out to yeh. I too looked after my partner until the very end when he went to a local hospice. He passed so peacefully which was a god send. I know what your going through as so many are. But know this you are not alone these are such awful times i wish i could give you words that make you feel better. But only time will do that. Losing someone should never be. But life has its own plan. We cant change it unfortunatley, we can be here for one another that i have come beleive. I send you all my love..god blessxxxx

Honestly my friend, my grief was a few weeks later, I thought it had started when Andrea was dying .But lately crying everyday wonder where is she, thank you my friend 

Your words mean so much making sense out of the mess I’m in But why !! I hate living without Andrea I wake up everyday at 4 o’clock in the morning with nothing to do always have done no alarm clock just do it but no reason to get up now , but my friend thanks xx

i know that feeling you are goin through. Your so angry lost and so alone

 You talk to loved  ones, family. But you always feel alone anyway. I feel that im in limbo. I know i cant do anything to bring my baby back but i know that he is still watching over me and our son. In a small way that gives me some sort of peace..please beleive your not alone what your feeling..xx take care  sweet.xxx

dear friend i just read your previous message. About cying later. I too was the same. I think personally for me i was just overwhelmned at thought he had gone sorting the funeral out and staying strong for my son everything just catches up on you and when it all seems back to normal so to speak this is when everything just hits you like a bolt of lightning. Then you have your feelings and hurt and anger, guilt everything just hits you.. xxx god bless.xxx

A little poem for you.. remember me with smiles not tears, for all the joy throughout the years. Recall the closeness that was ours a love a sweet as fragrant flowers. Dont dwell on thoughts that cause you pain we'll see each other once again, i am at peace try to believe it was my time i had to leave. But what a view i have from here i see your face an feel you near. I follow you throughout the day your not alone throughout the day. And when angels call...you will be right by my side till then i'll wait at heavens door,me and you forevermore.xxx

Ime so sorry ive been in your possition its two years for me the pain never goes it becomes a dull ache i thought my life had ended but dosnt we cope because we have no choice .i didnt want to get out of bed just a few hours sleep each night it is pain beyond words but it does get easier. dont watever you do drink to drown it out it dosnt . Guilt is the worst because you cant save them or you should have done this said that they this hindsight word is not real a silly word you did your best and thats all any of us can do .paul

Hi Paul thanks for you post my friend, there’s some great people on here who unfortunately share our tragic circumstances, I’m trying to buck my ideas up but can’t . I feel as though I’m letting people down by not following advice and move forward, I cry everyday sometimes it comes unannounced and is sporadic. People have mentioned does Andrea visit you in your dreams , yes she does but they are weird dreams, because it’s in old houses that we have lived in, for example waiting on the doorstep for Andrea to get off the bus from work but she isn’t on the bus she’s upstairs . In another dream Andrea says to me we can’t do that because I’m dead now Ray .Mad mad ..I’m still off work but I saw a colleague today not the best of the bunch and they ignored me and e thought are you ignoring me because you think I’m shirking off work and should get on with it ..people if you read this I’m not the job I do is that you have to be 100% switched on no room for error if a situation occurs and I dot feel anyway near that . I’m lost and unstructured living day by day ,counselling on Wednesday again what a loser I am.

Your not a looser at all your grieving i was a basket case for a year .you will probably find many people dont know how to deal with bereved one so they ignore it .in a few months you may find people will change the subject or totalaly ignore what you say .its they just dont know how to deal with it. Shakespeare said everyones an expert on grief till they have to go through it themselves and i dont think a truer word was spoken . I wouldnt worry about work colleges thats all they are you will find who your true ones are people you would never expect with come up to the plate because maybe they have gone through it themselves and understand what a truely agonising thing it is .but like me the pain dwindles but so slowly you dont even notice so just hang onto that thaught my friend you will start to funtion again but it takes time and what you do with that time like your counciling keep at it i thought when i came out first session god that was awfull but it will be at first because your talking about its only logical . But as time goes on it will be your lifeline and its ill about you and thats what its for. I dont think we actualy die mabe our bodys die but the energy that makes us is there forever .as to your dreams andreas not going to come in your dreams when she was ill it will be a better time when things were good i suppose its bound to be a bit mixed up .as lets be right we go a bit bonkers we resort to our emotional self for a while not our logical selves to be honest you have know control your brain protects you it numbs things and you get forgetfull its protecting you from the stark reality of it all i truely think we would go mad if it didnt. Just hold onto the thought this gut wrenching pain and lonelyness will ease just thake it  hour  by hour then day by day youl meet again theres more in this world we will ever understand or are ment to youl realise that as time goes by.paul

Paul , thanks for that , I thought I ways a sole person going through this , but unfortunately I’m not . I’m in a bit of a selfish world from my part friends are saying Ray when this covid  mess is over we will meet up and do this and that. Hang on a minute , I don’t live your lifestyle I’ve heard you say me and the wife are going to visit places, get a hotel have a meal etc. I keep on getting corrected by my daughter who says dad .. stop it . The counsellor will hear it all on Wednesday.. and then what !! What would Andrea say if she was to see you now . Ahhh . Another day in this rubbish world, so sad and lost , nah got to get better x

You said it mate ye you got to get better .liz and i only needed oneanothere so it was harder but two years ago i was like yourself as i said its now like a dull ache just you keep telling yourself i will be ok and eventualy you will . I joined a social group i go for meals with em it fills a miniscule hole liz left but dont hit the alcohol it makes it worse maybe you have hit rock bottom by coming on here and where can you go then the only way is up myself theres two forms of grief we grieve for aurselves which ok can seem selfish then for our loved ones you have to get through the latter first dont get stuck in it . ye they think a night out and that will sort you out if only it did but nice of em to try. a lot dont even familie can let you down one day at a time eh .p