Brothers denial

My bother was diagnosed with melanoma (shoulder) 7 years ago. He had surgery, and was told it will return and he should think about treatment as well as healthier living (he was quite overweight and had an unhealthy diet).

He lost weight by going vegan BUT gradually the rumours returned. He managed this through coffee enemas, VitC injections, CBD oil and his clean diet. He was living in Thailand and thought he was fine, getting better.

Fast forward a few years and the tumours riddled his body, massive black angry masses, yet he said he didnt was chemo or any other chemical treatment. We argued with him but he did not hear us. I did a "last visit" to see him in Thailand, only to bring him back for treatment in the UK. To cut a long story short he lived for 8 months yet the cancer was so so advanced it killed him. He died age 45, leaves a widow and two boys (4&11).

we are struggling to understand this almost suicide mission, why his wife did not demand he saw medics, why we couldn't have talked more sense, why could he not see the gigantic painful masses on his body and get help? Why did he allow himself to die??

This all happened in December 2019...

Parents
  • Oh this is so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    If you don't mind me saying....maybe your brother just wanted to manage his cancer by non-conventional means. Maybe he didn't see this as a suicide mission himself. 
    So many people choose these alternative therapies...can't say I would...but many are convinced by them and have every faith in them working. 
    Perhaps his wife was respecting your brother's decision. Your brother may not have had any intention to die (.....I don't think he would have if he was engaging in all those alternative therapies) xxx 

    Sounds as though he had made his mind up about how he wanted to tackle his cancer, so don't bear any guilt for not being able to get through to him xxx 

  • Sorry, I replied to these the wrong way around.. Apologies.

    As I replied just now, you are absolutely right, everyone has a right to their own course of treatment, which is what I've explained to my parents all along as they couldn't understand why he went down this path. My mother also has melanoma, but 17 operations later she is still very much here and alive! They were at opposite ends of the 'managing cancer' spectrum and this is why she can't understand why he could not see how the surgery and treatment has kept her alive and could have done the same for him. Equally he critiqued my mothers treatment as said that despite the surgery it kept coming back... Thank you once again for your reply, both of you have helped remind me of personal choice, not just in cancer treatment but all other decisions I guess we make in life...

     

Reply
  • Sorry, I replied to these the wrong way around.. Apologies.

    As I replied just now, you are absolutely right, everyone has a right to their own course of treatment, which is what I've explained to my parents all along as they couldn't understand why he went down this path. My mother also has melanoma, but 17 operations later she is still very much here and alive! They were at opposite ends of the 'managing cancer' spectrum and this is why she can't understand why he could not see how the surgery and treatment has kept her alive and could have done the same for him. Equally he critiqued my mothers treatment as said that despite the surgery it kept coming back... Thank you once again for your reply, both of you have helped remind me of personal choice, not just in cancer treatment but all other decisions I guess we make in life...

     

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