Oh this is so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

If you don't mind me saying....maybe your brother just wanted to manage his cancer by non-conventional means. Maybe he didn't see this as a suicide mission himself. 
So many people choose these alternative therapies...can't say I would...but many are convinced by them and have every faith in them working. 
Perhaps his wife was respecting your brother's decision. Your brother may not have had any intention to die (.....I don't think he would have if he was engaging in all those alternative therapies) xxx 

Sounds as though he had made his mind up about how he wanted to tackle his cancer, so don't bear any guilt for not being able to get through to him xxx 

Sadly I have the reverse position. Just before lockdown, after months of undiagnosed illness, blood results came back indicating I most probably had some form of myeloma (M proteins, kappa, lambda, lots of abnormal blood results and significant pain and symptoms). I am quite reclusive and live just with the dogs I adore, but I felt obligated to let me only living relatives know what was happening.  My brother and father, both very intellectual but we rarely see each other and are not close in a normal family way, reacted very emotionally.

Covid19 took over and all investigations stopped but I got pain killers and blood thinners to help me through the past 3 months in isolation. Neither my father or brother contacted me once during this period. Recently my brother wrote apologising for the silence but saying he was struggling as 'one minute I had a terminal cancer' and the next minute there was no news .... I felt accused of being false and angry.... but explained like others I was too scared to go to hospital and no doctors were doing cancer related tests or investigations, so nothing happened.  He seemed surprised as though he expected me to be dead already .... my father reacted similarly...

I am still suffering both physically and mentally but have no kids, partner or anyone close and I would love the option to pass peacefully with pain killers on a beautiful beach ... but clearly I can see that might be viewed as selfish.... surely it is each individual's decision to choose the way they leave the world and never would anyone ever want to do it 'suicidally' with any intent to hurt...you or any of your relatives

I wish you peace and closure, be strong and love those who you have around you x

Good morning citygirl111,

I want to thank you for your reply this morning, which I have been mulling over considerably. Your last paragraph really resonated with me as a while back I had very heated discussions with my parents about getting behind my brothers decisions. I was the one who was saying we needed to be respectful, and here I am going back around in circles. You are absolutely right, it was totally his decision to follow the path he chose, just like me following paths with whatever I am doing. I feel that we did discuss matters, but he wanted to do what he wanted to do and I did respect this, then I didn't! I can only see that the way we are all going around in circles is part of the grieving process. Your post made me want to reach out to you, I always want to help! Your family are probably struggling, but as I keep reading the most important thing is to support those with the cancer themselves. I do hope you are finding the support you  need through this platform but also through contact you have with people around you. My dog is a tremendous companion too and That unconditional love is a powerful thing. 

Thank you once again for opening my eyes (once again), I respect your words which have made an impact this morning. I would not like  to hazard a guess to your own family's feelings but I do hope they are able to support you how  you want to be supported in time...

Sorry, I replied to these the wrong way around.. Apologies.

As I replied just now, you are absolutely right, everyone has a right to their own course of treatment, which is what I've explained to my parents all along as they couldn't understand why he went down this path. My mother also has melanoma, but 17 operations later she is still very much here and alive! They were at opposite ends of the 'managing cancer' spectrum and this is why she can't understand why he could not see how the surgery and treatment has kept her alive and could have done the same for him. Equally he critiqued my mothers treatment as said that despite the surgery it kept coming back... Thank you once again for your reply, both of you have helped remind me of personal choice, not just in cancer treatment but all other decisions I guess we make in life...