I'm so sorry for your loss Debbie.

I know nothing I can say can make this better but you are not alone as many of our members have also been on this journey with their loved ones so will understand how you're feeling and will hopefully pop by when they can to offer their support and advice.

I'm not sure if you've looked in to this already but some of our community have found bereavement counselling helpful so if you'd like to find out more, just click here.

Be kind to yourself Debbie and if you can, try to take things one day at a time.

Best wishes to you all at this difficult time,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Debbie,

 I just wanted to let you know that someone had read your message and knows exactly how you are feeling. I'm 56 and my mum passed on 4th April at the beginning of the lockdown, the last time I saw her was as she was carried out of the house by paramedics and I couldn't be with her the last two days in hospital. She had been in hospital so many times since Christmas the last time being in March and I suspect this is where she contracted the Coronavirus. This time last year she was just finishing her radiotherapy and we were told the outcome of her cancer was potentially good but since October she went downhill and was in so much pain. I can't stop thinking about her being alone and dying in hospital without me although the nursing staff were so kind and spoke to me on the phone constantly at the end.Some days I can make it through the day,  other days I can't stop crying. I try to keep going for my son who although 23 has struggled with the loss of his nan who has lived with us for the last 10 years, we were just a little family, just us 3 and now there's a big gaping hole in our lives that can never be filled. we both miss her so much.

I think like you the best way to get through this is to keep going, be kind to yourself and if you are having a bad moment just go with it.