I can't stop crying today . I lost my mum to cancer, 21st December 2019. I'm still randomly crying on the car when a song comes on.I'm crying even if i'm busy. My attention span is that of 'Dori', out of the childrens film Finding Nemo'.(For non watchers, she's a fish with an attention span if a few seconds) So this was the best analogy I could think if that paints me out to you.They say time alters nothing , my sister and I are so struggling to cope , Dad too.

I feel drained everyday, I'm looking after my partner as carer as he has liver disease, diabetes, pulmonary embolism, I could go on . I'm 51 he's 51. I feel like my life is just lost. I'm a robot . A robot who's running on empty.

I can't seem to see forward at all. Most days, I sadly, wake up. Because that's where I am at, at the moment. 

My sister, bless her, is 15 years younger and beautiful, my step dad is an amazing man, and second dad to me. I felt lost at the funeral, as every one does, but this past week it seems to have been like the funeral day, everyday, I talk to people, I'm not a hermit, I've done shopping for sets of houses as they were unable to get out . So i'm not a hermit. I care about people and love giving. But all the while in the back of my head, mind, thoughts , call it what you like, every day seems like the funeral day, all over again.

Thanks for reading if you did.

If no one reads this, then it's ok, 

thanks for letting me explain my recent self .

Debbie