Hi Vicki, I'm so sorry that you have lost your mum. My mum died on 18th March this year and I have experienced a lot of the same feelings as you. We thought my mum had beaten breast cancer last year but in January we learned that it had come back and was now in her lungs. Even then the oncologist gave us a positive prognosis but unfortunately after 3 weeks in hospital my mum died just 36 hours after getting home. I had to be really strong for her with the result that when she did pass I fell apart. A few hours later I was totally calm and spent the day of her funeral comforting other family members. In fact I was totally zoned out, we could have been burying a woman from down the road. I felt numb just like you describe until the middle of the night when I would get awful panic attacks. I have health problems myself and as I am on anti depressants already there isn't anything else I can take.

Todsy was the first day I was able to go to visit mum's grave and I totally broke down. I understand what you mean when you say your brain won't allow you to grieve. For weeks I have done my best to focus on other things to take my mind off the loss of my mum who was my best friend in the world. My house has never been so clean and I've started giving cakes I bake to the neighbours as the family have eaten their fill. I've just been doing anything to fill the void her death has left. Today though I feel as if I have faced up to it and even though I have spent most of today crying it is better in a funny way. I would say that your brain may be protecting you until it thinks you are ready to grieve. It will come but we are all different and there is no guidebook to say how we should be feeling at any space or time so don't try to force it. You say you feel like you are walking through treacle, I feel as if I am watching life go on through a fog and I'm not really a part of things. You are lucky to have a supportive partner, I am single but I have a brilliant family around me. I hope I haven't left you totally confused and that I have helped you realise the way you are feeling is normal. Please be kind to yourself and hopefully we will both get through this awful time and learn to live in a new normality. xx

Hi Vicki, I'm so sorry that you have lost your mum. My mum died on 18th March this year and I have experienced a lot of the same feelings as you. We thought my mum had beaten breast cancer last year but in January we learned that it had come back and was now in her lungs. Even then the oncologist gave us a positive prognosis but unfortunately after 3 weeks in hospital my mum died just 36 hours after getting home. I had to be really strong for her with the result that when she did pass I fell apart. A few hours later I was totally calm and spent the day of her funeral comforting other family members. In fact I was totally zoned out, we could have been burying a woman from down the road. I felt numb just like you describe until the middle of the night when I would get awful panic attacks. I have health problems myself and as I am on anti depressants already there isn't anything else I can take.

Todsy was the first day I was able to go to visit mum's grave and I totally broke down. I understand what you mean when you say your brain won't allow you to grieve. For weeks I have done my best to focus on other things to take my mind off the loss of my mum who was my best friend in the world. My house has never been so clean and I've started giving cakes I bake to the neighbours as the family have eaten their fill. I've just been doing anything to fill the void her death has left. Today though I feel as if I have faced up to it and even though I have spent most of today crying it is better in a funny way. I would say that your brain may be protecting you until it thinks you are ready to grieve. It will come but we are all different and there is no guidebook to say how we should be feeling at any space or time so don't try to force it. You say you feel like you are walking through treacle, I feel as if I am watching life go on through a fog and I'm not really a part of things. You are lucky to have a supportive partner, I am single but I have a brilliant family around me. I hope I haven't left you totally confused and that I have helped you realise the way you are feeling is normal. Please be kind to yourself and hopefully we will both get through this awful time and learn to live in a new normality. xx