Hi RachWBA,

I am so so sorry you too have lost your lovely Mom ️ I lost my mom to the exact same thing your Mom had, GBM4, in December 2019. It's been five months today. 
I totally understand everything your saying. It still just feels so bizarre. It's like your brain can't seem to process it. It's too much to take in. Sometimes I still just feel so confused, like how is she gone though? How can she just not exist anymore? It's beyond me. 
And then you almost feel guilty for that. But I think it's actually really normal. Your brain is just subconsciously trying to protect you. It's going back into autopilot mode, as if everything's fine and nothings changed. It will probably take quite some time for all your senses to fully adapt and accept the magnitude of what's happened.

For me, some days I think I'm ok. I think, oh ok, I think I've come out of the worst of this now. But that's because those days I'm only allowing myself to think of what's happened on a very surface level. Not intentionally, its just a survival mechanism. I think if you were to deeply acknowledge and act on what's happened every day you wouldn't survive because it's simply too painful. You wouldn't be able to get out of bed, make dinner, do the shopping. 
In the short few months it's been since I lost my Mom and my best friend in the whole world, I've realized that you really do have to just ride the wave of grief. Some days I'm quite good and I cherish those days and make the most of them. Because I know there has been and will be again much darker days. Never be hard on yourself, each day is so different. All our Moms would want for us is to be kind to ourselves and try to get through it day by day!

Sending you so much love. You're not alone in how you are feeling ️ And try to give ourselves the love and kindness our moms would show us as much as we can. We can only do our best. Xxx

Hi 

It has been ten months since my daughter died of gmb, so cruel to watch somebody die of this disease, to lose most of your sight, lose some of your hearing and then bodily functions is so cruel, you lose all dignity and to know that she most probably was aware of it all is so hard to bear, she was the kindest person I knew and did not deserve to die this way. I still cannot believe she is no longer with us and I find it so hard to carry on without her in my life. I found out after her funeral that Her husband was sleeping with another woman, he used to leave her and her seven year old son every evening to spend time with this woman, he was always saying how much he loved my daughter I find it so hard to believe he could do this to her, he only had to wait a short while, hat sort of man does that to his dying wife and leaving his young son, anything could have happened while he was out. I am finding it so hard to adjust to this new world without her and not seeing my grandson.

mum76