Hi Nicola x

Yes your right, don't think we will ever feel the same again. Having your mum taken to soon is something we shouldn't even expect to get over. ( or even want to). When they are in our thoughts they are very much still in our lives. 

Yes our families and our children give us distraction and our love for them although different to the love between ourselves and our mums is not comparable. We can only hope to offer the bond that was created for us. It hurts everyday, I still and always will love my mum everyday. 

Your in my thoughts, take care

love Jayne xxx

Hi Jayne

Yes, I totally agree, I think about and love my mum constantly, she's never out of my head. I totally get what you mean about never wanting to getting over their loss. It's something you accept and learn to live with in time I guess. I think cos our mums were taken too soon makes you so sad for them, that there were so many more experiences and memories to be made. I struggle so much with the 'This is it' feeling, a part of me still thinks she's coming back. 

I love how our mums taught us how to be mums and that's something you will never have taken away, what's that saying "you reap what you sow". My mum was so loved and the huge gap she's left is testament to her and what she means to us all. I know it's the same for you. Life has to move forward I know but there's so much I want to tell my mum. It's so hard accepting I can't.

Thanks for staying in touch, it helps me so much knowing how others genuinely get how you feel. I think cos we and our mums are similar age you understand what each other is going through. 

Thinking of you, Take care.

Nicola x

I'm so sorry about your loss. I lost my mum over three months ago.And still can't believe she's gone. and every day I wake up thinking why. What is there to life I don't wanna do nothing so stressful emotional depressing. Thinking how can I be happy again when I lost my mum I was so close to her.And my dad is finding it even harder. and my dad is finding it even harder.

Hi

Im so sorry you lost your mum too.  I too have no motivation for anything and I keep asking that same question, why? 

Cancer is a vile disease, it sneaks up with very subtle symptoms which are so easily missed. It was like that for my mum.
 

I hope you and your Dad are able to give each other some support. We never want to have to face saying goodbye to those we love so much, nothing can prepare you for it. Taking each day as it comes is the only way forward. 
 

Do you have friends and other family members you can talk to? Is there something you can do that your mum loved doing, reading a book or watching her favourite film might help you feel she's with you. This forum also helps me a lot as I realise I'm not alone feeling this way and that does bring comfort. My only way forward has been to talk about my mum all the time. I'm lucky in the fact that I have amazing children who also love and miss their Nan, they also want to talk about her all the time.  Life changes so drastically for some people, life is very unfair. 
 

Thinking of you and hope you and your Dad can take care of each other.

Nicola x

Hi Nicola

How are you ? Gosh grief is a journey, find I still have tears most days. I've had a big birthday recently,I found that really hard. The thoughts of Mum are never far away. Just wanted you to know I still think about you and your family, hope your doing ok together. Xx

love Jayne xx

Hi Jayne, thanks for thinking of us. I often wonder how you and your family are coping.

That must of been a difficult day for you, trying to celebrate but also missing your mum being there so much. Grief is such a difficult journey.

I think the tears help, I still rarely cry,  I wish I could. I feel wrong for not. I miss my mum desperately, I think about her all day every day. I still haven't moved on from the feeling that she's coming back soon.

I went back to work today on a phased return. I ended up not doing very much, just some training and checking emails so was ok. The first step forward to my new normal although I'd give anything to go back to my real normal.

Take care and best wishes.

Nicola x

Bless you Nicola,

I know that feeling. I think for the rest of our lives the complete void we feel will have a presents about us. It's so hard, I find the start and end of the day worse, I don't not want to think of Mum but it just brings tears to me. Have you still got your Dad? 

All I can say is your not alone sweetheart, im right here with you, I feel your pain. Keep in touch.

regards Jayne xx

Hi Jayne, Thanks for your kind words, it helps me so much knowing you understand how I feel. So sad that grief is part of life.

I totally understand what you are saying and believe that this is how it will be for me now, my mum was such a huge part of my life that her loss will never fade. I know that in time I will learn to live this way but it still feels so wrong and unsettled. 

I think if you can cry it's so much better for you and you are dealing with those feelings, I wish I could cry more  for my mum. My daughters are able to and can get their feelings out there. I do have tears and terribly low days but I don't sob like I thought I would. I'm always waiting for it to happen.

I lost my dad in 2016, it was a complete shock as he hadn't been unwell. My mum and dad divorced when I was a teenager but they remained very close friends. Losing both in a short period has been hard. How about you, do you still have your dad?  
 

Thanks again Jayne, thinking of you and hope you are being supported. Stay in touch and take care of yourself.

Best wishes

Nicola x

Hi Nicola

Gosh, it's all life changing isn't it. People say when you lose someone you love something inside you leaves also. It's like an open wound, not being able to heal. As the days go by, I'm finding it sooo hard. You just miss them so much. The voice, the laughter,mother advise,their hugs.

My dad is 80, now a broken man, so trying to support him also. Going over home tears me up every time. Mum totally looked after dad, cooking etc. So he needs us, so a new learning curve for us all. Life just seems all wrong currently. Certainly can't get my enthusiasm back to do any thing much.

Hows work going for you now? I will be trying to return soon ️.

Do your girls live at home, wondering what ages they are. I have a 22 yr old and a 19 yr old.

Take care Nicola. Glad your there, it helps  xx

Hi Nicola and Jayne, sorry to hear of your losses. My mum passed away of endometrial sarcoma 7 weeks ago. I'm in my early 40s not married and my brother is 37 not married either. My dad is trying to be brave but very sad and cries at any memory. My mum was only 71. She was diagnosed only 10 months prior and was mostly fine until 3 weeks before. Then she rapidy declined. I think about the last 6 days she spent at home a lot -she was on morphine, midazolam and an anti-nausea via the syringe driver. 

She was in a lot of pain for the last 48 hours or so. Then they give her midazolam and she never woke from it. Doesyou know if the pain can still be felt while on it? I worry a lot about whether she could still feel her intense pain, whether she could hear us talking to her. 

It's so sad. I wake up in disbelief every morning too so I totally understand how you all feel. I dont have a husband or boyfriend or children either. Count yourselves lucky that you have them in your lives!