My mum passed away last week from cancer. She was diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary in February which then spread to the brain two weeks ago resulting in her death. It seems everything was acting in its power to take her away from us, be it her getting cancer during the worst time I.e covid-19. The fact that when the oncologist first did the CT scan to see no tumour, and then next day when she collapsed and had a mild heart attack she was rushed to A &E where a Ct scan was done again and there was a tumour detected. How did the oncologist miss it the first time around is a mystery. To make it worse she was supposed to have 9 chemo treatments out of which she completed only 3..the others were either postponed or cancelled due to her platelet count being low... also on one of the days she was supposed to have her chemo hospital decided to move her treatment to a different hospital because of covid 19 patients, so it was cancelled on that day too. During this time the cancer started to spread to the brain when the doctors decided to do radio surgery but it didn't work and now she is gone. My family and I couldn't even visit her during the last two week hospital to comfort her...only my dad was allowed to visit for an hour. It saddens me to think she was all alone and depressed there with her deteriorating health condition, she couldn't speak, had lost vision in her eyes, at one point she couldn't even hold the phone to call my dad.
I am terribly feeling guilty because when she was alive our relationship was not great, i used to have arguments and fights all the time and I did not treat her the way she deserved to be treated...she was the most selfless woman who would do anything for her children and I did not give her the respect and love she deserved, I took her for granted, didn't do nice things for her, and even when she was ill I did not take her seriously....I was too self absorbed in my own bs...On the day of her death I should have asked for forgiveness which I didn't as I did not think she was going to die so soon... I thought she would have lived a little longer because that morning when my bro visited her she seemed ok..then suddenly at noon her condition worsened and she died.. now I have to live with this guilt forever...
