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Emptiness

Carpediem136
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Hi, I am 19 years old and lost my mum in January and ever since just felt like a hole is left but I almost feel like I'm not sure what the hole is?

I miss the stupid conversations I had with my mum and just the simple things that used to happen.  I'm just not sure how to feel, I feel I'm at peace that she's gone but I also wonder if she is upset at how seemingly unfazed I've been.  I'll cry at night but to all her friends it must look like I don't care.

I just worry that she doesn't know how much I loved her.

Im aware there's no correct feelings but just wanted to write something to get it out of my head.

Thank you

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    I lost my mum to cancer on 8th May last year. I am 53 and have a 19 year old daughter (as well as two other daughters). Your mum will know how much you love her I promise you - we just do. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is different, as you say.

    You have the memories of those stupid conversations as you put it, and do you know what - you will still talk to your mum, I do every day and whilst all the raw feelings of losing her last year hurt so very much, I also know I want to be as strong as her and she will be part of my life every day.

    it does not matter what your mother's friends think, I cry at night too - when it is quiet - the main thing is to look after yourself and life live so that your mum can watch you and know you are safe. 

    Take strength from the fact she is not suffering any longer and whilst we will miss our mums no matter what our age, nothing or on-one will take those memories away. X

     

     

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    Hi dont worry your mum will know ime a dad and my daughter's and son have given me grief said things they didnt mean didnt ring for weeks but i know they love me to bits and wo betied anyone who trys to hurt me you see thats what families do not like you see on the media . How you are feeling now is exactly how should feel for you some go to peaces others just carry on so dont worry you will be ok the sun does shine again just dont try to analise it all there is know aswer in loss .so sorry for your loss maybe a bit of counciling may help you can run your feelings and doupts passed a prophesonal and maybe get some peace from all the things that run through our heads you know guilt is griefs bedfellow why i dont know but the guilts not real its just part of your brain thats gone a bit out of wack your mums mums probably around somwhere thinking why is my daughter thinking that way and being sad i dont want that i want her to have a great life just the same as i would with my adult children 

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    Hi, my mum died on 18th March this year and I understand exactly what you mean. I'm 51 so feel as if I should be more together than you but I'm not. My mum and I lived together so I am hyper aware 24 hours a day that she is gone. I honestly expected to be in bits all the time and I feel so guilty that outwardly I seem to be coping. Inside though I am constantly trying to push down feelings of panic and hysteria. I was really together at the funeral and spent the time comforting other family members but looking back now I can't remember a word I spoke to anyone. The best way I can describe it, which you may or may not understand, is like looking back on being drunk. I can see myself there but there's like a haze or a veil over the whole day. I know that my mum knew how much I loved her but I still feel as if she must doubt it somehow. I know that doesn't make sense.

    I'm sorry to put all my problems on to you but maybe it will help you feel that what you are feeling is normal. Oddly enough the only time I feel anything close to ok is when I am talking about my mum, she was a wonderful mum and my best friend and I was blessed to have her. I know with the state of the world at the minute you won't be seeing many people but if you are talking on the phone or messaging friends tell them about the little things that you miss. If you had a silly joke or tv show you both loved tell your friends about it, I find doing that keeps my mum alive. Take care of yourself and remember that most of us here have been through similar bereavements and understand how you feel. 

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