struggling to accept my Nan’s death

Hi all,

I've posted on here a few times, I lost my darling Nan on 31st January 2020 from secondary bone and liver cancer. Her death was shocking and she was only diagnosed 3 weeks before her death. I definitely feel like each day it's getting harder and harder. I have to actively stop myself from thinking about her final day of life or else I end up in such a state. 

Watching my Nan die is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, it makes me feel physically sick to accept that was my Nan and that she has infact passed away. I really didn't want to be present in the room but the whole family was there and it felt like it would be really selfish to step out. I also desperately wanted to be there for her to provide any last comfort I could. 
 

The memories of that night haunt me, they randomly pop into my head at the most random moments. It's almost like I can't believe it happened. Death terrifies me and I know it terrified her, which is what upsets me so much. I hate the fact she is no longer living and that she was taken from us. 
We laid with Nan after she passed (she died in her home in her bed) and that vision pops into my head and really distresses me. I cannot believe I saw my beautiful, strong, loving, courageous Nan laying there without her spirit. It upsets me so much and I cannot process it or accept it. I think back to her when I was a child and how much I loved and adored her and then I think of her that night and think I can't believe she has been taken from me. I feel so robbed of such an amazing guidance in my life. 

Her death was unpleasant and she was scared and in pain, which isn't something we were prepared for. Seeing her light go out is just too much for me to handle. 

Fortunately I have a big family and have my amazing Mum. I frequently feel heartbroken for my mum and know that however painful this is for me, it's so much worse for her. 
 

Sorry I feel like I'm rambling a bit now, I'm just finding this grief so tough and I don't know how to deal with it. 

  • Hi clairelois1990,

    I'm so sorry to read about your Nan and how you're feeling. Everyone's experience with grief is different and there's certainly no right or wrong way to deal with it. Try to keep believing that things will gradually get easier - or at least more manageable. Right now it sounds like it all feels quite raw.

    It's good to hear you have a supportive family. Hopefully it is helpful for you to post on here too - there will be many others here who understand and who have been through something similar.

    It's important that you look after yourself and that you speak to others about how you feel - that could be on here, to friends and family, or to professionals - counselling could be an option worth exploring for you, as it can be a really valuable way of helping to come to terms with things.

    Try to take things one day at a time - as much as that is cliched - and as I say, things will eventually get a little easier.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Claire just read your post and I'm sorry to hear I lost my Nan 25th jan 2020 to liver cancer and I still can't get over that she's gone I have my husband who's always been there my family live far away from us but I know it's hard I'm still struggling but 1 thing I will always remember is when I showed her my baby scan for the first time and  when she was in her hospital bed in her kitchen she held it that second she left our world but today a I have a beautiful daughter named after my Nan all I do is look at her and think that's why I got to be strong I do have my bad moments but every one does 

    as long as you have your family and you talk to them things should be easier that's what people say but it's not easy to open up everyone is different I hope things do get better for you in the mean time stay strong for your family and stay safe hope this year is a good year for everyone

  • Just reading your ladies posts has me in floods of tears. I lost my Nan 2 years ago this April and I feel like I have fallen into a massive state of depression. It's like my whole world has become dark and all I think about is how much I miss her. She was diagnosed with a form of lung cancer and died around 3 months after. She was such a huge part of my life and I honestly don't feel I am coping atal since she left.