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I need a friend

Kirstyc92x
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My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in 2017 and was the worst day of my life. He had chemo and then a major operation to remove his oesophagus which went well apart from he was in an induced coma for 5 weeks as he couldn't get enough oxygen to his lungs as they had to collapse one. When he finally woke up he was a bit spaced out due to meds and we got him home 6/7 weeks later. All was ok he was told he had no cancer markers on his check ups and was given more chemo just as a precaution. One year went on after all treatment and tests saying there was no markers. He started having trouble swallowing again. His consultant wasn't too bothered because the markers hadn't shown anything. after months of telling them we asked them to weigh him and they said 'we don't weigh patients unless there's concern now' we said well we are concerned. He's lost lots of weight! So they weighed him and he had lost around 4kg in a very short amount of time. They then done scans and endoscopes and it had returned. 
this time it was incurable and they could only manage symptoms and try radiotherapy. Radiotherapy started and all seemed to be ok until he kept being sick with blood so they stopped his treatment and fitted a stent in to his esphagaus which helped him to eat and they stopped his treatment all together because their aim was to open up the gap so he could eat. He ate well for about 3 months until he had problems again. January 2020 we was told the cancer had taken over his bowel and has weeks to months left. This is when dad gave up, rightly so. He had no more fight left in him. 2nd February he was taken to the hospice and we knew what was happening as he told us he wanted to die there. 7th February he passed away. One day after my brother and niece flying over from Australia to see him (dads first time meeting my niece) he held on!
 

I'm heartbroken he was everything to me. I looked after him for 3 years every single day. I'm so lost without him I'm struggling but hate talking about how I'm feeling. I love talking about my dad and I can but I can't talk about how I'm doing without getting upset and moody. I just miss my dad so much. 
my 'friends' stopped talking to me because I couldn't go out anymore as my dad came first. Their lucky that they've never had to experience anything like this for them to understand. I just need a friend  

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    Hi there and bless you. There is no doubt this has been a terrible ordeal and you are left with such thoughts and feelings. That would be normal.

    Sadly, our science is not perfect despite the very best medical technologies and doctors and nurses. I myself was diagnosed with lung cancer having visited the doctors multiple times over a year. The fact is my symptoms were not classic nor were my bloods.

    I cant let myself think about it too much. I am however looking forward to a good outlook.

    I know the impact this has had on my daughter, she has gone through every emotion so far. 

    All I can say is talk talk talk...it takes away the power  the trauma has. Make contact with friends again and be vulnerable there is no weakness but strength In that.

    Whilst you have lost your dad, i lost mine when i was pregnant at 29, i was devasted, I remember the good stuff, talk about him normally and try to remember that the life he had was good. He would never want me to see the bad side or cause myself unhappiness at his loss. Hes at peace, now you need to find it. Not easy I know but a grief  counselor will help via mind over the phone. Ask a CRUK nurse or Macmillan too.

    Take care and try to have a few happy thoughts of dad each day. L xx

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    Hi Kirsty,

     

    I really am sorry for loss of your Dad.  There is no greater pain than the loss of your loved one and to be honest I know there are no words to comfort you as nothing seemed to help me either.  I lost my husband last June, he was 46 after an 18 month fight with kidney cancer. I dedicated all of my time to care for him and i was so absorbed in his fight i never took my own feeling into consideration or what his loss would mean to me  So when that dreaded day came, my world came crashing down and like yourself i felt so lost as all the time i gave to  my husband was now all mine again and I didnt want it or know what to do with it. The days are so long and empty without them and nothing seems to ease that hole in our lives.  It is so hard to put what you are feeling into words or where to even start but that will come in time.  i found it really helped me to jot your feeling down onto paper, a doodle pad.  When i read mine back now it honestly makes no sense at all but that doesnt matter, it didnt need to tbh it was just a way of getting my feelings out without having to put to much effort into trying to explain how i was feeling to people.  Take care.  Sarah x

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    Aww I feel for you I really do I lost my father in October of last year and I am struggling with grief still now.   He was my whole world he made me the man I am he left me my sister and brother devastated I was there for him every step of his last 6 years through thick and thin I was single when he found out so needless to say the last 6yrs were totally focused on him being happy and his care I never imagined he was going to die even when he told me his treatment wasn't working and they told him 9 month to live so when he passed I was a total mess and felt so lost with no purpose in my life surrounded by memories of happier times we use to chat for hours he was the only person who truly knew me I miss him so much everyday is a struggle but it's going to take time I feel every bit of your grief and I feel empty inside but as time moves on it will get a little easier I promise I was in a world of blackness and felt like there was no point to life nothing made sense and I live a life on my own now so it's a tough road just wanted to tell you your not on your own in this there are genuine people who care and feel your pain my deepest sympathy sweetness the mind will heal you will cry and be sad but you will move on and have plenty of great happy memories to look back on  x

     

     

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