Dear Helen 

Deepest condolences for your loss, was going to reply earlier but couldn't think what to put that came through right. 

I do understand how you're feeling. 

I know its different but a few years ago my mother went in hospital for a routine hip operation she'd had one before so everything carrying on as normal she went in early morning. 

Late afternoon i got a phone call from the doctor saying to come to the hospital i was at work at the time . When i got there i was told she'd died, surgeon wasn't told mum was on blood thinning medicine and she bled to death on the table that morning, they let me see her in icu her heart was still beating once about every five seconds. They were waiting for it to stop. 

My father came in shouting at me didn't want me there  he wanted his wife to himself. He made all the arrangements wouldn't let me do anything, i bought some of her favourite flowers and he threw them away..

Like i say you have my condolences and from loads of others on this very helpful forum. 

Billy 

Hi I lost my beautiful mum yesterday to covid 19 and completely feel the same. My mum fought breast cancer and has been well for the last couple of years then this virus had to come long and take her in the most cruelest way. I can't breathe through the heartache, My life will never be the same again and I am heartbroken that we can't even give her a proper send off.

I am here if you want to talk xxx

Hello

Thank you for replying to me- it is so difficult in these times- it must be so hard for you seeing your mum try so hard to get better and well again and then this demon disgusting virus comes along to take her away. I feel the same the pain is overwhelming.. I am on autopilot.. can barely function and I'm breathless as well just as I was when my granddad and dad died. The same pain only even more. I adored my mum. 
 

I will be here too if you need to chat. Please take care x

Hi Billy 

Thank you for replying to me. It is the cruelest pain to have your mum there with you and you're happy -and then they just go. I'm so sorry about your dad. It's awful that he reacted like that ...I was distant from my own dad for a time but we did make up. Your poor mum it must've been awful. My husbands mum had a hip operation 5 years ago & it went wrong & she never walked again then she died December 2019. 

This forum has helped me so much in the short time I've been here. You've all been amazing. 
Take care of yourself and your wife.

sending good wishes.

Helen