Hello, 

Your message has arrived at a right time for me. 
Like you, I too lost my mum on Feb 8th after just under two years of battling. I hurt, cried and grieved for her from the moment she was diagnosed that her death didn't come as a shock. The final few weeks with her were heart wrenching and I cried all the way through, but the day she died I only cried a little but then felt a sense of relief, she was at peace.

I kept myself busy helping my Dad complete all the tedious paper work and things that come with registering deaths and sorting wills, and also of course arranging the funeral and also speaking at it, and of course I was upset that day. However I was coping quite well and felt positive about the future . I had a house move on the cards and was looking forward not back. It wasn't until I moved house, left my dad behind (so much guilt comes with that) and slowed down that it hit me like a truck and I had a bit of break down almost. I'm 30, no children, but a boyfriend who I find myself getting quite agitated with. It's obviously not his fault and he does his best to be of comfort, but I don't think anyone can fully understand how it feels to loose your Mum, because she wasn't their Mum, if that makes sense? My mum was also my world, my best friend, my voice of reason. And since the last emotional break down I had I've almost gone a bit numb. This whole COVID19 and isolation thing is definitely not helping, the days drag and we're forced to just sit around and kill time instead of being able to move forward and continue after such a loss. I fear it's only putting the grieving process on hold too and once life gets busy again I'll struggle.

Dont feel bad for not crying, your mum would be proud of the strength you are clearly showing, and when you do cry she knows and she's there sending you strength to get back up and back out there again.  

xx