Hi there and welcome ...

Your story was really Simerla to mine ... I was 36 when my mum who was my best buddy died suddenly from a heart attack ... she was my world .. and I had two boys 7 and 16 ... whom she adored... I didn't cry at her funeral .. partly shock ... partly I felt she was next to me .. 

The difference is this carona has turned everything up side down ... l lost my sister to dementure and we were only allowed 10 ... and I was 11 in line so had to wait out side ... so I'm really pleased you got your funeral ... 

Now your stuck in doors ... only work where everything looks o.k and sort of normal ... you havnt had time to let any feelings out ... I'm sure your mum is looking down .. and remember, your half of her .. and your kids are a quarter her too... so in a way , we don't loose mum's,  they live in our hearts ... 

I tried to make mum proud over the years .. she adored my kids .. we talk about her always ... we bring her along our journey through life ... my son's now in their 30s still put pictures of her and them in their face book ... and their children know all about my amazing mum and nanny ...

So feel whatever you need to feel .. don't feel guilty if you don't cry .. it's not always those that cry the loudest , that miss them most ... I've felt mum around us, esp when I was diagnosed with cancer.. there were feathers ever where .. the day I got the news it was low risk, they stopped ..

So be kind to your self ... grief is different for everyone ... yes we learn to live without them... but we never stop missing them ...  

Don't cry because you loose someone.... feel blessed we had them in our lives....

Hello, 

Your message has arrived at a right time for me. 
Like you, I too lost my mum on Feb 8th after just under two years of battling. I hurt, cried and grieved for her from the moment she was diagnosed that her death didn't come as a shock. The final few weeks with her were heart wrenching and I cried all the way through, but the day she died I only cried a little but then felt a sense of relief, she was at peace.

I kept myself busy helping my Dad complete all the tedious paper work and things that come with registering deaths and sorting wills, and also of course arranging the funeral and also speaking at it, and of course I was upset that day. However I was coping quite well and felt positive about the future . I had a house move on the cards and was looking forward not back. It wasn't until I moved house, left my dad behind (so much guilt comes with that) and slowed down that it hit me like a truck and I had a bit of break down almost. I'm 30, no children, but a boyfriend who I find myself getting quite agitated with. It's obviously not his fault and he does his best to be of comfort, but I don't think anyone can fully understand how it feels to loose your Mum, because she wasn't their Mum, if that makes sense? My mum was also my world, my best friend, my voice of reason. And since the last emotional break down I had I've almost gone a bit numb. This whole COVID19 and isolation thing is definitely not helping, the days drag and we're forced to just sit around and kill time instead of being able to move forward and continue after such a loss. I fear it's only putting the grieving process on hold too and once life gets busy again I'll struggle.

Dont feel bad for not crying, your mum would be proud of the strength you are clearly showing, and when you do cry she knows and she's there sending you strength to get back up and back out there again.  

xx