Hi Amy

I am so sorry to hear this - you and yours are doubtless devastated.

I lost my wonderful husband Matt at just 45 twelve days ago and it's so hard.

Pancreatic is a particularly nasty beggar - like a ninja of the cancer - it sneaks up silently and is so quick it takes your breath away.

Love to you and your family as you walk this long path of grief but remember that you don't have to do it alone.

xxx Paula

Thank you so much Paula. Rest in Peace to your and forever Matt. Xx

Sending across love and strength to you and your family too. 

Amy x

Hi, so sorry to hear what you guys have been through, u r a little ahead of me...my husband, 44, is nearing the end of his battle, (oesophagus cancer gone to liver), heartbreaking for me and our children watching him waste away and daily go downhill... and in so much pain, it's a hard one to sort out painwise apparently. Do you feel any relief now they are no longer in pain? Or just miss them like crazy...is there anything you found, or were recommended, to tell them to help ease them on their journey? I've tried to accept it but dont think I will until he is no longer with us...still doesn't seem possible for that to happen though i know it will, the hospice dr says he is concerned we are "not in the same place as the cancer", my way of coping is I cant give up hope till the end- is this wrong? I dont want to be a family of only 3....but I know in my heart its almost certain we will be very soon...

Good morning,

Thank you for your kind words.

We saw dad the night before he passed individually because of the coronavrisu situation and he was deteriorating quickly, he was on an oxygen machine. I told him no matter what happens we love you and we all know you love us. The doctor tells me after leaving the room "the next 24 hours is crucial for your father, cancer is aggressive hence swelling of his legs, abdomen and the breathing issues" that moment I knew the end was near. I go home run a bath, cry my soul out and prayed to the gods above to please take him to heaven and give him peace if that is what he wants, they listened. I felt relieved at first and then sadness and other emotions over takes it, which is when you must remind yourself that they are free and when your loved one is so far advanced I deeply believe they want to be set free even if they dont tell you. My dad hated being so ill, hated the chemo, hated not being able to walk up the stairs or even shower because of the weakness. All you can do and what I did and family did up until he passed was to spend time with them as best you can, encouraging them to eat and drink but not over powering them with it, talking to them and just listening and being there, and them knowing they dont need to talk if they dont want to. 

Never give up hope, you will know in your mind and heart when his time to be set free is near, and when that time comes then you will start to accept he has gone, it may be a slow process or a faster one, everyone is different and that's ok. No matter what happens, look after yourself, eat, drink, try and sleep and get fresh air outside. Your husband even now wants you all to keep yourself well, it's easy to forget to because they are the person who is sick, but they truly want you to live your best life even if it's not said by them. 

I hope I've answered your questions xx

If there is anything else you want to ask or just general chat I'm here for you and everyone else on the forum. Love and strength. Amy x

Hi Amy

We're so sorry to hear about your dad and I hope you can take some comfort from the responses from other members of the forum.

Our sincerest condolences to you and your family Amy and our thoughts are with you during this difficult time. 

Best wishes,

Matt - Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Amyh92,

I have just read your post, and firstly want to say I am so sorry you have just lost your Dad to this awful pancreatic cancer!

I lost my darling husband to this in July 2018, he had just turned 51 years of age, myself and our son who was 25 at the time only had 2 weeks from diagnosis to his passing with him. His cancer showed no symptoms till it had almost covered his liver!! Whether that was because he was a very fit and otherwise healthy man I will never know. I just wanted to send you some love and support as I know how difficult it is for you to have lost your Dad, I watched my son see his Dad pass in front of us which was really difficult as he reached for my hand and had a heart attack in front of us! 

We are over 18 months now and I thought I was slowly moving forward but this isolation has made me realise I now miss him even more than ever, my son doesn’t live with me so we really are trying so hard to stay strong!

When your little baby arrives, you will have a new life you can focus on, and I really do wish you all the best with being a new mum. Your Dad will be looking down at you feeling so proud like he did when you were born. Take great comfort that he will always be with you. I know this grieving process will be hard especially at this current time with arranging the funeral but stay strong for your baby.

Stay safe and strong, sending you lots of love and hugs.

Debbie 51

Hi Debbie,

Thank you so much for your message. So kind and comforting of you.

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your husband. I hope your darling son is coping, I'm sure he will be with you by his side.

Nasty disease and attacks rapidly doesnt it.

Our little treasure was born 30th of March. Shes a pure joy in our lives. Sad family cant hold her at the moment. I've had emotional spells about my dad since coming home, I cry and release. I miss him. 

His funeral is the 20th of April. The wake will be later in the year when the virus situation has diminished, fingers crossed. We will celebrate his life the beat way we can.

Thank you again for your supportive message.

Amy x[[]]

Hi Laine,

I'm so sorry about your moms diagnosis. Its doesnt feel real no, and it wont for a bit. 

I really hope the chemotherapy will help her .

You will be strong, for yourself, your daughter and your mom. Acknowledge your emotions,  then give yourself self care by relaxing your mind and body as it can become too much. 

If you want to please keep me updated about your beautiful moms journey with treatment. 

Hear if you want to chat.

Amy xx

Hi Amy,

What a wonderful reply to my post Firstly congratulations to you both , she is absolutely beautiful.

You must be so relieved to have had her now under this crazy and difficult world right now. Hope you and your daughter are both well. 

Your dear dad will be absolutely proud as punch for you and he will guide you both through your life together.

 I know you still have difficult times ahead with the funeral and I send you my love and strength for that. 

Thank you for the picture,I am still waiting patiently to be a grandparent one day but I will have to wait I think

You will get through this and will always miss your Dad, mine has been gone for 15 years now and his anniversary date is 2 days before My husbands! So I will never forget him and still miss him. 

My life is a different one now and will never be the same but my husband has left me a massive reminder of himself through my son, which I will be eternally grateful for. 

Please, please stay safe all 3 of you, there will be lots of people queuing for those cuddles before you know it.

All the best,

Debbie xxx