Hi ben bereavment counciling could help i had it and it was lifeline but you have to keep going with it some seem to go a few times and give up we all have questions and the councilers can answer a few and you can rant blub men do you know get things off your chest. try the local hospice i think there the best as they deal with it every day . Its normal to feel the way you do as the first months me tend to be a bit numb go for walks in the park put something to look to on the weekend all these tiny things together make a big thing but it does get easier but its hard going and grief does come back and hit you from time to time to me it was like stood in the sea with your back to the waves but the tide does go out eventualy so just take it easy do the best you can thats about all you can do my friend one day at a  time wishs.paul