Hi so sorry to hear you lost both loved ones in such a short time .sounds like you have pretty much reached rock bottom but you know thats maybe a good thing because theres only one way now and thats up but its not easy .is it depression or grief its i fine line . antidepressants dont work on grief time does that how were you before you lost your mum ????? Is it grief counciling or cbt your getting you dont have to say if you dont want to but talking about your feelings can be a great help know one on here knows your identity so your safe .tell me what do you think ?? Thats the most imortant thing we all write our own story so you can make your life a fun story or a misrable story you have taken your first step up now by coming and chatting and telling us your painful story but you can turn it round your to important to this world and to your mum to try and end it .paul

Thanks I'm thinking of seeing my gp again soon as the depression and lack of support from my dad who is my only close family member I have is often away for work. Thanks for the support 

My mum was first diagnosed when I was 12 and I was her primary caregiver. Throughout the following years she had many surgeries and I was in charge of taking care of her, I think that's when my depression manifested because I didn't have any support and had a attempted suicide at 15 due to multiple issues. I also saw CAHMS, a family therapist and a school therapist who all came to the conclusion that I had depression but I didn't get much more help with it, that's why I'm on antidepressants now as the depression I've been managing just about really took over after the deaths

Yes at 15 you should have had more support ive sufferd with it trouble with deppression be become so used to it it becomes normal and then its so difficult to get out of but you can but by goodness its hard your poor mums passing will be the final straw tell me do you often feel like an outsider with friends and find it hard to except help i felt like an outsider in my family at times i think like you ive had such a battering over the years in a way like you i never learned things from my parants like coping skill  ime getting on a bit but some years ago decided ime not going to be a prisoner of this anymore it was dammed hard it just takes a lot of energy you just have to find it its iuch nicer out there the world is not a bad place i actualy found i fought to stay misrable because it was safe but thats how it works your to important in this world to be misrable in it your mum will want you to be happy as do i and all the otheres that are reading our post and maybe feel like you or how i was but let me add none of the way you feel is your doing life can do that to us .paul ps i think you deserve a medal looking after your mum at sutch a young age what a credit you have been to your mum i think you deserve some happiness my goodness youve earned  it  you should feel so proud of yourself for what you have done not be sad and enjoy your life you keep talking its the best way youve put your first foot on the ladder coming on here what do you think ????