Hi Stuart i empathise with how your feeling do we ever get over the loss of a partner or wife i dont think so we just have to make the best of it and your partner was so you . I can say you just cant work it out cancers a thing the whys it just takes good bad young old and it can take them quick i was glad it took my liz quick well it was sepsis but cancer was the cause less than two days four days after first chemo . Like you we were inseprable so ime so sorry your still suffering have you had any counciling it can help with some of the questions ?? Its not to late its not a magic bullet but it does help and we start to manage the pain till it becomes a dull ache . But you have to work at it  .paul