hi all, it's been 5 weeks this week that my dad lost his battle with bowel cancer, and the pain is just not getting any better!! I can get through my day then bam I'm stopped in my tracks and it's hits me hard that he is not coming back.

i went to scatter his ashes yesterday which was something I felt so uncomfortable doing as it was the last part of his journey, and I didn't want to let go, didn't want to see what I saw, to think my dad is free carried by the wind and pain free is comforting but then I realise I will never ever see him again and it breaks me. I'm forgetting his voice, his humour and pretty much a lot of our memories which is making me panic that if this is happening now so soon how am I going to be in years to come? 
I just can't cope with all this, I'm normally so positive about everything in life but this awful journey which in my world is a tragedy is taking a lot out of me.

what do I do!? 
flossy1