Hello, I have no words of wisdom other than you are not alone.  I lost my mum in October 2019 to ovarian cancer. She was in her 50s. I too have been coping with my dad and my siblings but what a massive part of our lives we have to live without. Most days I'm ok, I can look at photos on my phone, I can read WhatsApp messages and texts from her and then suddenly I'm gripped with overwhelming sadness and the pain of missing her is indescribable where I couldn't even bear to look at a photo.  
I think the hardest part is knowing that there is literally nobody in this world that will ever love you as much as your mum did.  Home doesn't feel like home anymore and events like Christmas was just a day of highlighting the fact that she's not around.  
I will say though, I work with children who come from difficult backgrounds and a lot of them have absent parents so if I do feel enternally grateful to have almost 30 years of the best mum.  
you must too have been extremely lucky to have such a wonderful mum that you are able to miss so greatly 

sending lots of love xxxxxx

Hello fancyS,
Thank you so much for replying, i am so sorry that you're going through the loss too. Our situations sound very similar and we seem to be dealing with it in the same way. It is such a cruel thing and its heartbreaking that they've had to leave us at such a young age. Every day is different and like you i sometimes sit and look through photos and videos and texts but then other days i couldn't even bare to look as it's just too much. As awful as it all is i find some comfort in knowing that i am not alone and that other people understand so thank you for replying. It sounds like you had an amazing mum and we need to rememeber that every day especially those like Mothers Day they will always be right there with us. 

Lots of love back to you xxxx
 

Hi Alice,

I completely understand your message. It's so hard paticularly around the key dates such as birthdays and mothers day - They are all triggers. I've recently lost my mum (November) and her birthday is this week (would have been 56). Again trying to get back to the reality of normal life. You are not alone in his battle and sounds like you've been incredibly brave!

Scott x

Hi Scott,
The key dates are the worst, it was her birthday a few weeks after she died and then obviously was christmas which i imagine was super hard for you too. Thinking of you this week, I hope you manage to smile thinking of memories. Thank you, you too are not alone x

Hi Alice.

I lost my dear mum in November to a short battle with pancreatic cancer. 3 weeks after becoming very Ill she died. Mum was my life, I had such a close connection with her, I would see her everyday and being away from her even for a holiday was hard for me. I feel so angry that she was taken from me. I had my 30th birthday 2 weeks ago, I went on holiday, not to celebrate but to get away as it wasnt ever going to be the same. On her birthday a few week prior, I bought her flowers and hugged her urn. The first are all going to be so hard. I feel I'm coping ok, I think about her every second of every day. I haven't cried for a few weeks and I almost feel guilty but she never leaves my mind and I carry so much sadness around with me. I think I've cried too many tears and I've dried up a bit. I have been to councilling as I was having thought of taking my life. It has helped me massively and would reccomend it. It sounds like your doing well, and that it is normal to swing from different stages of grief constantly. Be kind to yourself, we were so lucky to have amazing mums. Lots of love xxx

Hi paul

My mum fought the cancer for 2 years but unfortunately due to her oncologist changing her chemo (he admitted he shouldn't have) she got very sick in June last year which caused lots of infections due to been weak and it's this that killed her.  When this started happening I reached out for counselling and it helped me a lot but I didn't realise just how much until it stopped. My last session was the day after the funeral and I saw this as closure before trying to live as  "normal" as possible.I thought I was been strong but I was just blocking it out instead of dealing with it. I realised I needed the counselling back so I got in touch with the hospice and I'm currently on the list so hopefully won't be too long. I have learnt there's no right or wrong way to griev, every day is totally different x

Hey elaw,

im so sorry to hear that and that it all happened so quick. My mum had cancer for 2 and a half years in total so I guess I had time to come to terms with what the end result may be. She fought it so hard up until June last year when it all just went down hill due to infections and I watched her deteriorate which was hell but also it made me start my grieving process early. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you  to process and get your head around, you sound like you had an amazing mum. I'm currently waiting for my counselling to start again, I really hope you gain some comfort from going to yours. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story xxx

Hey gtp, 

it really is a lonely place, I went to her for everything and I spoke to her and saw her every day. I really don't know how I've managed to cope 6 months without any of that but I guess our body finds strength we didn't know we had. We love them so much but we know they will always be with us. Stay strong xx

Yep glad you got that we all grieve diffrently i went out straight away as i had sufferd alone when i lost mum and dad aunts uncles and a grandchiled god that hurt i wish i had got counciling then no one will understand how you feel so its lonely trying to deal with it i dont know how i would have managed if i hadnt had counciling and a particular person on here that realy helped me through it still is its i two way street now . I was lucky with counciling i do hope it helps and its never to late but as the months go by it does get eisier it stops flooding your mind with unwanted dark thoughts the what ifs its true it is the worst two words in the english language i i tell myself i regret that now and dont knock myself out over it .my liz was misdiagnosed to the point were they said it was definatly not cancer 9 months later she was gone i actualy told the dr they were rubbish i never saw him again but water under the bridge now i dont want it to burn me up . Cancers such a sneaky disease and i still think we are in the dark ages not like its portrayed in the media . But  we all cope you will be ok .paul