So sorry for your loss, it is absolutely pants.

i know where you are coming from, we lost my dad a month this Friday, I've been staying with my mum the last few days as his funeral was yesterday and got home today.

i hated leaving her as I'm not just down the road like you I live an hour and half to 2 hours away. 

All I can say is try and get to see him as much as you can and maybe have him come to stay with you.

if you need a chat feel free to message me x

Hello again everyone, 

Once again, thanks for all your kind responses. So nice to share your worries with people that can relate. 

Mums funeral was two days ago, it couldn't have gone better. I even managed to get up there and complete her Eulogy, one last tribute to make her proud. 

I spoke to a lot of her close friends at the wake who told me "She told me she wanted you to move away, and get on with your life. She also said keep an eye on Dad" Hearing this gave me some peace of mind to go off and continue doing my thing. As she never got to say to me in person herself.

I too won't be down the road, I'll be a two hour train trip away. However I'm slowly growing confident that Dad will be ok. He has a lot of good friends around him, constantly calling to check in on him. He can cook for himself no problem. I will just need to call to say hello and make sure other little bits get done. I will also be home once or twice a month to give him a hug. 

I know it won't be easy, but I also know I can't give up my own life, I'd only make things worse in the long run. 

In regards to paper work/banks/probate and stuff. We're slowly getting on top of it all now and it's just a waiting game for things to be sent back to us. So I'll be leaving with the knowledge that the biggest hurdles we have climbed over.  

Lynne, I understand partly how you must feel regarding your dad. My mum died 9 months ago. Mum and dad had been married for 66 yrs. My dad is 90yrs old, lives alone and manages with the help of my brothers, sisters and me. We go and see him every day. But he is so lonely and grieving, but doesn't complain. It is heart breaking. If I miss a day of visiting I feel so guilty. I feel like I want to take on his pain for him. How do we get through this.

Hi,

I'm very sorry that you lost your Mum and I know that watching a family member go through Cancer is very hard.

I lost my Mum nearly 2 years ago in 2019 to Metastatic Breast Cancer which spread to her Liver and Bones. My mum also struggled a lot both Mentally and Physically.

It was quite hard as Mum went through Chemotherapy. Also she got hospitalised before my 33rd Birthday and received palliative care. Four days after my 33rd Birthday, she passed away.

Yes, I did find it hard to adjust after Mum passed away and there was so much paperwork to take care off especially when it came to the financial matters.  It takes time but eventually things will start to settle down. Honestly, it is never easy to lose a family member but we all have to carry on with life.

I find it useful and comforting to talk to my family and friends. Also, I always like to remember Mum on the Anniversary of her death and on her birthday.

Anyway, take care always and stay strong. 

It's a late reply. 
I've just going through all this now. After losing my dad 3wks ago. Lucky we had everything already setup while he was still with us. Bills. Banks. Will. Etc 

I miss him every day and it doesn't feel the same with out him. But it's my mum I have to worry about now. After being together for 56yr. Mum doesn't drive or worked. Or did anything without him. She all with it etc. bills are all setup by dd now. But it's the feeling she's alone when dad fixed everything around the house etc. 

am only 10miles away but am getting in fights with my wife now for fixing things around her house. Taking her shopping etc. when she needs things I come running. 
I do it as it's the feeling she's all alone and I hate it. But it's the guilt trip my wife is giving me. Then am in the wrong for even saying about my dads death. 
just making me want to just stay more at my mums. 
My wife hasn't gone through any deaths yet. 
but deep down in me I can't wait till she does. 
 

Me and my sister text my mum everyday. Even if it's just to say you ok. It's the little things that stops you thinking your alone. 

Hi all.

Have just come across these posts. My mum died 4 weeks ago. I'm an only child and live close to dad and have visited him every single day for the past 8 weeks.

I did all the paperwork, registering death, sorting cremation etc as mum always did everything so he hasnt got a clue.

Im back to work tomorrow and feeling guilty and worried about dad being on his own. I feel like i have to let him go through this rather than depend on me completely.

Also as some have said i feel like i pre grieved as well as still grieving. Dad hasnt cried once and just feels like its a dream.

Any advice?

Thanks x

I'm so sorry I've only just seen your post.  I'm not sure if your circumstances have changed.. I hope your wife is giving you the space you need to spend with your mum.  It's hard I know and I'm sorry for the Loss of your dad.. life is very different  for us all now here aswell and it's been 21mths for us now.xx please take care.

Hello. I'm sorry for your loss.  Its so so hard . You can talk to me on here anytime.   I also felt guilty about returning to work but unfortunately it had to be.  Mum had to learn to be by herself , if your dad has a phone maybe a morning Text,. So that's how I did it and when I wasn't working I supported mum...we are on month 21 now and things have improved  I've taught mum how to do Emails etc and all the bits dad did.  It's very tough and she has found it very frustrating and is still in grief. But I have less guilt now but I must say I worry about her as I feel responsible for her.. Your dad you might find let's it all out at night time or he could still be in shock?  I had cruse bearvement chat to support me and felt it helped me  My family were great but I needed support from someone who didn't know me.  They told me my feelings are ok and part of healing.  I wish you luck tomorrow. Kind Regards x

Thank you for your message.

I returned to work today which i was anxious about. My dad is useless with a mobile phone so it would probably be a call to his landline instead.

X