Hi,
I've been reading these forums for a while now, thought I'd finally post.
I lost my beautiful Mum two weeks ago after she bravely battled a 2 year fight with bowel cancer, secondaries in her liver. Going through that whole ordeal was torture. Seeing her struggling mentally throughout the two years and go from this strong, courageous woman to a quiet, reclusive, and really sad character in the end was horrible. It was almost like I started grieving for my mum before she'd even left us.
I live away from home and would make it back as much as possible to see her and support her, and in the end moved back into my family home in December and spent my last 2 months with mum by her side full time. So glad I did.
The day she died was obviously upsetting, but if anything I felt a little relief that she was no longer suffering and was now at peace and that we also could now maybe find some peace ourselves.
I've spent the last two weeks helping my Dad with all of the paper work and admin that comes after a death, he's useless with this kind of thing after mum doing it for him the whole time they've been married (40 years). Now I'm starting to prepare to move back out of my family home and back with my partner 2 hours away, and I can't help but feel so guilty for leaving Dad kicking about the house on his own. I'm 30 and obviously have my whole life ahead of me, and it seems crazy to even consider staying living with Dad and sacrificing my own needs however how do you ever get over this feeling?
I'm scared that I'm going to spend every day worrying about Dad alone and eventually it's really going to have a negative impact on my mental health and stop me enjoying anything myself. I know full well mum would never let me sacrifice my own life, job, lifestyle etc to "babysit" Dad...but it's so hard to leave home again with a smile on my face knowing that deep down his heart is probably breaking every day he's on his own.
Apologies for the long post, but I just wondered if anyone else out there has felt this kind of responsibility for a parent, and if it ever gets easier?
Lucy
(p.s, my Dad is a completely able man, he works, he drives etc etc. But in terms of the simple things like cooking, cleaning, paying utility bills etc - it's really going to be the steepest learning curve. Specially when faced with the loneliness on top of it all)
