Hi son you have been through what no young child should have to go through i cant imagine ive lost all my relatives mum dad aunties my partner and a grand child so grief is no mistery but my parants in a way it was there as they were both in there late 80s . Its like your roll models gone you must be feeling so lost thats the trouble men are brought up to be tough and strong and hold in there emotions but its a load of rubbish but it makes us lonely its a strengh to open up about it all thats the trouble we hold it in and then it stays with us . May i suggest you be strong and open up to your mum about how you feel i can asure you you will feel better ime as tough as old boots like you i had to learn to open up the toughest of us need some help at times i did i thought i could cope with anything but like you theres t limit .its not to late to get some counciling . What do you think what about showing you mum what you have posted to us you may find her reaction is not toughen up or get a grip . Or you can ring cruze bereavement numbers on the web its free they dont judge .i think theres a section on here for younger people .your dad wouldnt want you to feel this way ime a dad and a grandad i wouldnt want my kids to grieve for so long . Youve made the first step coming and chatting to us and your so wellcome to tell us being a man sounds like your doing ok dont try and grow up and be tough just yet it will come you just need a little help to get answers about things .women are stronger than us because they can show there emotions dont grow up like a lot of guys pretty much in a prison of lonelyness thinking they should be this and that and holding it in and the main thing go see your form tutor show him or her your post then they will understand why your not doing so well at school if there worth there salt you will be surprised the help and understanding you will get keep coming and talking to us no one has to be alone on here