Dont worry ime a dad and any letter of effection would be great for your dad i understand full fell as i had wonderfull parants tough as old boots could cope with anything mum showed her effection by food showering us with it .dad would do anything if i needed help that was there way i was away on holyday when dad died goodness did i suffer for that .but mum i sat with her four nine days from being chatty to being in a coma but i thanked her told her i loved her she said paul i care for you all and that was the best she could do and that was good enough  when she passed i felt diffrent i didnt feel bad no what ifs like i got with dad .see it seems to work they had both had a rotton life like almost a cathrin cookson novel but very inteligent . So what if you squirm a bit be strong .and thanks for your thaughts and best wishs your not alone now we understand .paul

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad he sounds like a true warrior fighting this horrific disease. It's so difficult for you trying to prepare or even accept the prognosis. I have recently been through similar with my mum. I sat in tears & told her what an amazing mum she was, how much I loved her I didn't want to have anything left unsaid to haunt me when she passed in December. He won't be hurt by you telling him how much you love him & what he means to you. My mum was scared but then like many others I've heard about she had dreams where she was reassured there was no danger or anything to be frightened of & she was calm. It's such a painful time for you I know having just been through it. Make the most of every moment & say all you need to say whilst u can x

Hello csc,

I am sorry you are going through this. It is painful and unfair for anyone to expereince. I went through the same thing last year.

My family is exteremely ''tough love'' so telling each other we love each other was a rarity until my fathers diagnosis. My father passed away in June last year (not quite 8 months yet) after being diagonsed in 2017 with advanced prostate cancer. The last two weeks of my fathers deterioration were difficult to witness. Being this ''tough love/no emotions'' family, I had never even kissed my parents as an adult. One day in the hospital, as I was leaving to say goodbye to my father after closing hours, I kissed his forehead, something I had never done before. He didn't really react due to all the medications but I know how much it meant to him. And I am so glad I did that because after that day, I was able to kiss his forehead and cheeks everyday after without feeling awkward. My sisters then also started to kiss his him after this day and I can only imagine how much love he felt from us. 

Our parents look after us their whole lives and yes they teach us to be strong, but telling someone you love them is STRENGTH and not in any way does that mean you are weak and won't be able to cope.  I know it must be hard for you to speak your emotions and a letter could be a good idea, but I am concerned if he isn't in the best health right now if he can process reading a letter as my father wasn't able to towards the end but I could be wrong. 

He created you and he will always live within you - you are you 'csc' becaue of him. I am still trying to figure out why this happens to good people or where we go when we die. But your father has instilled in you ideals and helped you become the person you are today. I thanked my father for everything he did for us (mum and sisters) and he was able to smile and nod. It is heart breaking and your life will be changed forever but you don't need to add regret to it. If there isn't much time now, you need to be brave and do this.

With all my love. x

Thank you so much. I've had so much comfort and reassurance from this post. I've been struggling lately and one thing I found hard was that I wasn't married and he wouldn't be here for it. So my partner asked me to marry him and we get married in 2 weeks! It's very soon and a lot of planning but it means the absolute world to me and dad that we get our day. I'm going to tell him how much I love him and how special he is. I've decided I have to to it and ride what ever rollercoaster of emotions will come my way. I'm so sorry for your loss and you sound like an incredibly brave person although I know sometimes people saying your strong and brave can be a pain because you don't feel it at the time. I wish you all the best going forward while you heal from this xx

Hello CSC, 

I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? How is your father? And did you get married?!

Best wishes xx

Hey!

im doing ok, a bit all over the place and getting by on auto pilot. Dads still hanging on in there. We're so thankful but also baffled. The doctors keep saying this is it and he pulls through again. It's a bit of a rollercoaster right now. We now have him at home on his driver caring for him as he's afraid he passes in the hospital. I did get married, we had an amazing day and the amount of people who stepped in to pull it together was completely overwhelming and beautiful. It was great to have those two weeks of a distraction. Hope your doing well too xx

Hey CSC, thanks for the speedy reply. I am so pleased to hear you got married and I hope your dad was able to enjoy the day and he must feel so happy and secure knowing you have a wonderful, loving partner by your side for life. 

That is hard to be told one thing by the professionals and then dad is pulling through. I guess if he isn't in too much pain and is being responsive that's a good thing. You are being very brave and you have the right attitude and you should be so proud of yourself with how you're dealing with this. 

I am doing alright thanks, adjusting to this new lifestyle we've all had to adapt to. Hope you and your family and keeping safe. xxx

We're currently at home, it's been hard to isolate. My husband was feeling unwell...luckily just a cold but it's kept me from my dad the past few days. I'm so scared incase I give him something or my mum. It's been tough knowing when it does happen due to this virus that we probably won't have the send off he deserves. My poor mums struggling right now because she's on her own with him which she loves to spend time with him but I think because none of us can be there she feels so alone in this.

We're a bit up and down, one day he seems fine then the next he's down again won't eat or drink or take any medication. He's so frail right now if we move him it's painful.  
 

the virus is another thing on its own I'm currently scared to pick up a tin of beans in a supermarket! I hope things are less chaotic around you xxx